UnNews:Obama to speak on green jobs in Utah

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Obama to speak on green jobs in Utah

A newsstand that's brimming with issues

UnNews Logo Potato
Friday, August 18, 2017, 18:30:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

3 April 2015

Presidential motorcade

President Barack Obama arrives in Utah to talk about making the world green.

LAYTON, Utah -- After six years, President Barack Obama reached the bottom of his to-do list and arrived in Utah.

The President has been ignoring the state, not only because it is the most Republican state, but because it has the lowest unemployment rate, by virtue of doing the opposite of the President's economic policy. However, the President plans to avoid this inconvenient truth during his stay, instead focusing on Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth, and the need for yet more "green" initiatives.

The President traveled to the Beehive State in his personal jet, Air Force One, an oversized Boeing 747 that burns 5 gallons per mile, to nearby Hill Air Force Base, then hopping into his heavily armored, gas-guzzling personal SUV, flown in on an a separate C5 cargo plane (using just as much gas) to travel to a Salt Lake City hotel to stress the need to use less fossil fuel.

"This is the biggest thing to happen around here in years!" exclaimed Eucaipha Smith, who was starting his third hour of idling on a closed on-ramp onto Interstate 15, in traffic waiting for the President to pass by. Smith hoped he might get a second glimpse of the President after his speech on energy-efficiency, as Obama's return will bring all the cars on the freeway to a complete stop once again.

It is not clear whether First Lady Michelle arrived in a third jumbo jet with her mother, hairdresser, publicity staff, and White House office. She usually travels separately, as she may have a slightly different itinerary, such as giving speeches to different carbon-footprint advocacy groups on curtailing America's use of energy.

The visit leaves South Dakota as the only state that Obama has yet to visit. The President stated, "I was saving South Dakota as the last of the 57 states — They told me they wouldn't put my face on a mountain." South Dakota is in a region of the U.S. with a jobs boom, driven by fracking on private and state-owned land that Obama won't allow on federal lands.

Utah, the site of the day's speech, has trillions of barrels of shale oil on federal land which could give the state the same huge economic boost. The state also has plentiful coal reserves — which, because of federal mandates, are also off-limits. The Environmental Protection Agency is preparing to eliminate most coal mining in the state, an effort that will pave the way for literally tens of green jobs.

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects