UnNews:Obama swats a fly, causing the death of future maggot
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Obama swats a fly, causing the death of future maggot
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, April 28, 2016, 22:42:UTC)(
19 June 2009
WASHINGTON DC -- Furious animal rights activists gather outside the White House after President Barack Obama brutally murdered a fly, which was innocently flying around his head during an interview with PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich.
During his interview with Bruce, Obama seemed slightly bored by the questions that he was being asked and very suddenly and unexpectedly interrupted the interview by squashing the fly with his bare hands.
"If I’m not mistaken, it almost looked like he was strangling the fly," said one distraught animal rights activist. Apparently there was malice in Obama's dark eyes while he killed the fly, as though he was enjoying every bit of it.
Other members of the audience recall that the fly rolled over, gave three little gasps for air and died a slow, painful death. "I heard him say, "Tell my wife I love her," in fly language," Said D.R. Antoinette; an animal doctor from the audience who witnessed the murder and who can also apparently talk to animals.
Live footage of the murder, shows Obama laughing sadistically as he curls his lip to one side, looking directly at the fly, and then swatting it in one fluid motion. If you listen very closely you can actually hear the tiny scream of pain as the fly pleads with the president for his precious, little life, through little incoherent and ineffective buzzes, before Obama says with a cold smirk, "That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker."
After a moment of silence and shock, there was an instant outbreak of protests from the audience and Obama was ushered out of the building to safety by a group of body guards.
"This has caused a serious problem for dead bodies and rotten food everywhere," said Bruce Friedrich, when asked how Obama's actions will affect the rest of the world. "People will now be one maggot short of decomposition which is a big problem for graveyard stench everywhere. That poor fly. What if it had a family!"
People are currently, very concerned about the extinction of flies, fearing that the increase in dead body population may show drastic results over the next few years. It has been argued that the consumption of such dead meat through the legalization of cannibalism may reduce the increase, thus preventing this from happening, but authorities are not convinced by the studies taken by research laboratories that there are enough cannibals to feed and that more and more people are becoming patriotic vegans.
White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs was later questioned about Obama's actions and why he did what he did, and Mr. Gibbs replied, "All that I am able to disclose at this point in time is that the president's actions were very unexpected and the best information we can currently offer, is that we think that the president's actions might have been a test of public reaction in order to determine how society will cope with change."
"We can assure everyone that the president considers all "walks" of life as equal and does not wish to put any civilization, besides humans, above others. Hopefully we can write this off as a major misunderstanding."
- Some Guy "PETA miffed at President Obama's fly "execution"". Capitol News Company, LLC, June 18, 2009