UnNews:Obama shares playlist, disappoints supporters
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Obama shares playlist, disappoints supporters
Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
Friday, May 6, 2016, 09:32:UTC)(
29 June 2008
Obama's campaign team had not anticipated controversy because, as an anonymous campaign source stated, "nobody gives a fuck about Rolling Stone magazine." Once the article went to press, however, bloggers went into a frenzy not seen since his last public statement.
"We should've seen it coming," the correspondent said. "I guess most of Obama's fans were indie kids. Damn it."
In the Rolling Stone feature, Obama, citing his "eclectic tastes," revealed that his playlist included popular recording artists Yo-Yo Ma, Jay-Z, Bruce Springsteen, Sheryl Crow, and Bob Dylan. Danny Ireland, 24, a former record store employee, was among the many who expressed dismay about his choices.
"Eclectic tastes? Please. Yo-Yo Ma? Too mainstream. Jay-Z? Mainstream and rap. Bruce Springstreen? Mainstream and old. Sheryl Crow? Mainstream and a woman. And Dylan? Dylan?! Give me a break," said Ireland. "People only listen to Dylan because they want to pretend they grew up in the '60s! Oh yeah, and mainstream."
"Coltrane and Miles Davis suck," Ireland said. "They're only famous because they're popular. I know some guys from my dorm who are just as good as them. Better, even! It's too bad Barack isn't original enough to appreciate real music."
Other former Obama supporters echoed Ireland's concerns, also criticizing his choice of publication.
"Obama sold out," said Brett Fernandez, 21, an online DJ. "I mean, Rolling Stone is even worse than Pitchfork! I used to like him, but he's just too commercial now." Fernandez plans to replace his show's 10-minute introductory pro-Obama segment and endorse Obama's rival, John McCain. "The hipsters haven't gotten their hands on [McCain] yet," Fernandez explained. "And his daughter likes Spoon. Remember how they did on the Pazz & Jop?"
According to Gallup polls, Obama's comments cost him a full five percentage points in projected election tallies. In response to the polls, a mystified Obama appeared on CNN.
"I don't understand them sometimes," Obama said. "I got the Arcade Fire to play shows for me. They're indie, right?"
A few were placated by his response, but others, like Linnea Katz, remained disappointed. "I always thought that, deep down, Barack Obama was just like me - a unique, independent rebel," said Katz, 19, a student at New York University. "But now he's The Man. And not 'the man' like 'you're the man', but, you know, The Man." When asked who she would support in November, Katz was ambivalent. "I don't know anymore. I feel like I've lost my identity, you know? I need someone who doesn't like popularity. Maybe Ron Paul."