UnNews:Obama resigns presidency for career in boxing
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
27 December 2013
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Although warned that the age of 53 is not the time to enter a young man’s sport, Barack Obama has decided to persevere in the face of long odds. He has planed a series of warm up lightweight matches in Las Vegas to be aired on cable and satellite networks. “Since we all have Obama care,” said the ex-president, “there is only the risk of web site failure to interfere with our medical care.”
Obama will train at the Wild Card Gym in Hollywood, California, under the tutelage of famed boxing expert, Freddie Roach, the trainer of Manny Pacquiao and a number of other notable champions. Michelle Obama will accompany her husband and rumor has it that she is thinking of challenging the retired female world champion, Leila Ali, to appear on the under card. Should Leila refuse, the invitation is expected to be offered to Hillary Clinton. Bookies in Vegas are pressing the Obamas to fight each other and the odds are 2 to 1 favoring Michelle over her husband.
When interviewed, Roach said, “we just started training but he has a natural left hook and is in pretty good shape for a golfer.” “He will have to pick it up a bit, we don’t have no caddies in the gym.” Tickets to his training camp are already selling for thousands of dollars. Roach expect his own profit on tickets alone to make him a rich man, in addition to 20% of the gate.
If all goes well in his preliminary bouts, Obama expects to challenge Vladimir Putin for a boxing shootout in November of 2014. Although Putin is larger and more muscular, the younger Obama expects to have edge in speed and cunning. The rounds will last two minutes rather than three and 7 rounds maximum. Scores will be posted at the end of each round to avoid fixing or riot. This match is expected to earn more than 100 million dollar for each participant. President Joe Biden, when asked whom he will bet on, responded, “I don’t know much about boxing, but I know you never bet on the white guy.”
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|