UnNews:Obama promises to squeeze the rich until their pips squeak
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||UnFair and UnBalanced|
27 February 2009
By: UnNews Staff Reporter, The Whitehouse, Washington DC
In a statement to reporters on the Whitehouse lawn yesterday President Barack Hussein Obama said:
"For too long the running dogs of capitalism have bled this country dry. Enough, Enough! I will soak the rich with taxes and redistribute that wealth to the poor. What you have to understand about me is that every day, in every way I will support the masses against the classes. I am not afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. Healthcare is that chasm and I will deliver free and universal coverage to the American people. Further it is my considered view that failed bankers are scum. Their sole function, and chief pride, is the stately consumption of wealth produced by others. Well there will be an end to it. I am introducing, by executive order, an involuntary euthanasia program for fat cat bosses who have failed. The first execution squads depart at dawn. Four spectres haunt the poor of this land old age, accident, sickness and unemployment. We are going to exorcise them by taxation. Read my lips I will tax and tax and spend and spend because taxation is patriotic and I shall have my way."