UnNews:Obama plans to enslave white Americans
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Obama plans to enslave white Americans
Straight talk, from straight faces
Sunday, November 29, 2015, 18:14:UTC)(
1 July 2012
WASHINGTON, D. C – President Barack Obama, who gave America taxation without representation as part of his massive Obamacare initiative, now wants to “reinstate the institution of slavery” in the United States as part of his concerted and determined campaign to “spread the wealth” among black (and maybe Hispanic) voters. “Whitey already has too much of the nation's money, as far as I'm concerned,” the president declared.
Much of the money that white Americans have, Obama believes, was “made—not earned, but made—on the backs—and, often, off the asses—of African-Americans at a time when they were only Africans whom whitey, with a little bit of help from
greedy unenlightened African tribes, enslaved.”
“As America's first black president—second, if you count that honky Bill Clinton—I mean to set things straight, even if I am gay, and give back to the African-Americans whose ancestors were only Africans in America part of the wealth they made for their white masters.”
Representative Allen West (R-FL) has relayed Obama's new, militant stance concerning his African roots to his own constituents. "He does not want you to have the self-esteem of getting up and earning, and having that title of American," West said. “He'd rather you be his slave.”
West believes that Obama's plan to enslave Americans—or white Americans, at any rate—is evident in his push for increases in entitlements such as Medicare, food stamps, and Women in Crisis funds for unwed Caucasian mothers. “He wants white women to replace black women as the poor, the pregnant, and the needy, so black women can join the ranks of the rich and privileged that are occupied by his own wife, Michelle, and a few token Republican women such as Condolence Rice and Clarence Thomas,” the Congressman charged.
According to both Obama and West, the president plans to convert white farms into plantations for blacks. “The white landowners can still reside on the farms,” the president graciously offered, “but as slaves, not masters, and their wives had just better get used to the idea that their duties, in pleasing their new masters, might include more than cooking, cleaning, and doing their masters' soiled laundry.”
West, who is himself African-American, but prefers to call himself “colored” and goes by the nickname of “Tom,” said, “Obama's latest outrage makes him even more a disgrace to his race—and mine—than he was before he became first African American, then gay, and now a racist slave-monger.”
The Obama administration is looking into whether West's criticism can be construed as “hate speech.” “It's a crime,” Attorney General Eric Holder, who is also African-American, warned, “to judge a person by the content of his or character rather than by the color of his or her skin.”
Obama himself plans to relocate his residence to Mount Vernon, and Holder is reported to have his eye on Thomas Jefferson's plantation, Monticello, where, Holder said, “that white racist rapist fathered an illegitimate mulatto on one of his black-ass slaves, Sally Hemmings.”