UnNews:Obama pitches health care on Uncyclopedia

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12 March 2014

BatteredObama

"Lame duck? No, I don't feel lame at all."

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. President Barack Obama tried an innovative approach on Tuesday, pitching his signature health care plan on a comedy website. Bypassing the news media and even in-the-satchel Jimmy Fallon, Mr. Obama proposed that healthy young Americans pay 20% of their incomes to be covered for osteoporosis and Alzheimer's, just as their grandparents are racing to sign up for birth control, pediatric dental care, and gender-identity counseling.

The gambit was a huge success, as the audience was wetting itself with laughter — marking the President's first policy success since the massive new law.

For a few microseconds, Uncyclopedia was the #1 referral source to Healthcare.gov, with many viewers navigating directly there without an intervening stop at Suicide Prevention or the Canadian Immigration Bureau. March 31 is the deadline to sign up (unless Mr. Obama issues another "waiver") or face a "shared responsibility payment," a term with serious comedy potential of its own.

Ted Cruz

Opposition Republicans claim to have used comedy first, savaging their own legislators like Ted Cruz who tried to repeal the law, then running scores of candidates on "amendments to make it work."

Presidential spokesman Art Carney explained the strategy at the Presidential press briefing on Tuesday. "Gone are the days when anyone takes me seriously," he said. "Why not do a comedy show?"

But the usual venues are problematic. As hip as Jimmy Fallon is, his audience averages 53 years old; and Obama-care's promise of costing less than $1,000,000,000,000 does not rest on giving oldsters coverage they need but millennials coverage they don't. Mr. Carney said this also explains why Mr. Obama didn't go to CBS for guaranteed good press and forged documents, as two-thirds of the viewing audience there is already dead.

In one routine from the comedy act, the host asked, "What's it like to be the last black president?" Unfortunately, the P.O.T.U.S. didn't seem to get the joke, and replied, "What's it like for your taxes to be audited every year until you die?" Happily, the Laugh Track kicked in at that point, and a good time was had by both.

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