UnNews:Obama meets Lama, explains capitalism
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.|
18 July 2011
WASHINGTON -- US President Barack Obama held a White House meeting yesterday with the Dalai Lama, a fellow Nobel Peace laureate who also received the award for doing absolutely nothing. The meeting was held mere minutes after China threatened to nuke the entire continental U.S. unless Obama called off his invitation to the Shangri La Rebel Alliance (SLRA) leader.
The Tibetan spiritual leader was already in Washington before meeting with the president - otherwise how could he meet with the president in Washington without being in Washington already? Don't be a fool! In any case the SLRA leader was in Washington for an 11-day Buddhist ritual called Voidism - which could just as well have lasted for eternity. Thousands of rebel Tibetans joined a 76th birthday celebration Wednesday for the Dalai Lama, who recently retired from his leadership of Tibet's rebel alliance, the SLRA.
Obama explained to the rebel leader how capitalism works in America, as he had understood it from his Wall Street sponsors. Obama restated U.S. policy that it does not support Tibetan independence, a goal that the Dalai Lama has often said he couldn’t really care less about.
A Chinese crackdown led the Dalai Lama to flee into exile in India where he has been living in luxury since 1959. China says he's welcome to return if he drops his peaceful life in India and accepts Tibet as a part of China.
One hour before the Dalai Lama's arrival, the Chinese Foreign Ministry urged the White House to cancel the visit.
“We firmly oppose any foreign official to meet with the Dalai Lama in any form, human or animal!” Foreign Ministry spokesman Hong Lei said in a statement posted on the ministry's website. “And we will obliterate any such offenders!
The White House seems to have called the Chinese bluff, although Obama kept the meeting low-key, closing it from Fox news reporters and photographers.
Meanwhile the Chinese embassy in Washington released a partial transcript taken off a secret recording device, which was hidden on the person of the Dalai Lama by Chinese agents. The transcription reveals the essence of their conversation, as follows:
Obama: “Greeting, your highness, ah, I mean, your holiness, welcome to the land of liberty...here in America we are at liberty to cheat and bankrupt our fellow men and women.”
DALAI LAMA: “Ohhh! Thank you velly much, Excellency, I happy to be hea!”
Obama: “You are aware that the Chinese government has objected to my meeting with you?”
DALAI LAMA: “Nooo, that is velly bad! Chinese are sooo rascals.”
Obama: “Oh, I’m well aware of that, after all, we are their biggest customer as well as biggest employer in the world. They supply us with goods and services and we print SDRs for them to file.”
DALAI LAMA: “Humm? What is SDR?”
Obama: “Ahem! Ah, your highness, an SDR is a piece of paper with printer ink on it.”
DALAI LAMA: “Whaat? Paper and ink?”
Obama: “Well, they’re Special Drawing Rights, you know, an IOU, it’s how we pay the interest on all the 1.4 trillion dollars of US bonds they hold of our national debt.”
DALAI LAMA: “Bond? What is US Bond? Bond is British, no?”
Obama: “Oh, no! That’s just a fancy way of saying SDR, they’re also IOUs.”
DALAI LAMA: “But... how, I mean...?”
Obama: “Your holiness, I can read your mind. Well, it’s simple, we print bonds, you know, paper and ink. And then we pay interest on those bonds with SDRs, which are also paper and ink. So we pay our IOUs with more IOUs. Pretty smart, don’t you agree? From nothing we produce printed-paper and then we trick the Chinese into taking this paper for their valuable goods and services.”
DALAI LAMA: “But, what happen when China want to spend bonds or SDRs?”
Obama: “Well, that’s the beauty of it. It’s not just China; it’s the whole world, specially the Middle East. We take all their oil and give them printed-paper, SDRs.”
DALAI LAMA: “But, what happen when World want to spend bonds or SDRs?”
Obama: “Haaa! I’m glad you asked. When the world gets around to redeeming our bonds and SDRs, then we’ll just call, 'time out!', then bankrupt the dollar, leaving the world in ruins. After that we’ll print new SDRs, and start all over again.”
DALAI LAMA: “Hummm? Umm, please excuse me, Mr. President, I must be going...”
Obama: “Why? Where are you off too, highness?”
DALAI LAMA: “To China, because I can see they own your solly ass!“
President Obama last met the Dalai Lama in February 2010.
- Staff "President Obama Meets With the Dalai Lama at the White House as China Objects". Fox News, July 18, 2011