UnNews:Obama grants Middle Eastern women equality

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24 July 2014

Obama

Our President, destroyer of sexism.

Washington DC -- An elated Barack Obama held a press conference this morning to discuss a new tactic in the war on terrorism women inequality.

"This morning, I'd like to announce that, going forward, our country will see women as equals to men in hot spots around the world," announced Obama.

"Prior to today, our policy was to consider all men of military age - that is, 18 to 40 years old - be considered enemy combatants. Many of you spoke out about this policy and said it was misguided. Well, I got together with the Pentagon and we conferred and decided it was time to change this policy."

The crowd cheered.

When the cheering died down, Obama continued, "From this day forth, men - as well as women - who are 18 to 40 years old, will be considered enemy combatants and summarily killed via drone strikes [in the Middle East]"

Obama then retired from the podium, and Secretary of Offense Chuck Hagel took over, "Ladies and gentlemen, let's give our President a round of applause for his forward thinking."

The audience gave The President a round of applause. "Finally!" someone in the crowd yelled, "We can move forward to a post-modern age devoid of sexism."

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