UnNews:Obama explains continuing Muslim violence

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Obama explains continuing Muslim violence

Democracy Dies with Dignity

UnNews Logo Potato
Wednesday, August 23, 2017, 10:31:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

8 February 2015

Fire in cage

This graphic photo of a burning Jordanian pilot should make the reader feel guilty about voting for Tea Party candidates last November.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As violence continued throughout the Muslim world, months after America's showy withdrawal from the region, U.S. President Obama took the occasion of the National Prayer Breakfast here to reassure Americans that everything is still their fault.

The networks carried Mr. Obama's remarks that Americans "should not get on our high horse," as Muslim invaders were rebelled by the Crusades in the name of Christ, and that even the Jim Crow laws in the Southern United States (which did not harm any Muslims, but would have, if they had been there) are good cause for Americans to continue feeling guilty about the anarchy in the Muslim world.

Less well-reported was Mr. Obama's mention of Arizona's SB 1080, which he said would have let female state troopers strip Muslims and parade them around like dogs. In addition, Mr. Obama said the Senate stubbornly refuses to take up his 2016 budget and is hurtfully asking tough questions of Loretta Lynch before seating her as Attorney General. Ms. Lynch would be the second straight A.G. to use the office to try to get even with white folks, and Mr. Obama said the delay in her confirmation explains the sudden new violence throughout the Religion of Peace.

Obama looking smug

Mr. Obama appeals to Almighty Providence for higher federal spending even as budget heathens have captured a second house of Congress.

It has baffled observers at universities that, despite Mr. Obama's "lead-from-behind" policy, ISIS beheaded newsmen and flash-fried a Jordanian pilot in a cage, hundreds of Pakistani boys charged a Christian school that had sided with Muslims against Charlie Hebdo and beat schoolboys with sticks, and Boko Haram kidnapped girls and used them to breed a new generation of terrorists — It being hard for any warrior to match the record of the American Sniper when the weapon of choice is the suicide belt.

"America's chickens are coming home — to roost!" the President told the crowd here. "Not 'God Bless America,' but 'God Damn America'!"

The Prayer Breakfast was attended by many men of the cloth, including racial healer Al Sharpton, and Bill Clinton, carrying his Bible as always, and the ladies say he has a huge one. Secretary of State John Kerry was there; he quipped, "Actually, I was for Christ, "before I was against Him!" Republicans John Boehner and Mitch McConnell sent their regrets, as they do not believe in anything. Notably absent was Mr. Obama's own mentor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright. He mysteriously became an un-person, shunned by the media, during the Obama campaign of 2008 — another injustice that is surely inflaming Muslims into unprecedented violence.

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects