|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
28 June 2010
D.C. -- Today it has been discovered that Obama likes to doodle random shit.
"But fuck it, he does." said a close White House aide. "He just sometimes stares at shit. And then he just flips over some classified documents and starts doodling penises. He even drew an entire comic panel about the Revolutionary War. Although instead of the Americans and British being in human form, everyone was a penis. And instead of using muskets, they just came all over each other."
Further controversy ensued when an unknown person from the Pentagon leaked government documents to the whistle blower site Wikileaks.
The mysterious Wikileaks founder Julian Assange boasted on his blog that he was sitting on "history changing stuff". Although these leaked documents would turn out to be a mass collection of poorly drawn penises ejaculating over each other. Suffice to say, Obama was to blame.
"Aw fuck, I don't know man." said the President.
"Well first off," said the President as he cleared his throat. "This is a space octopus. And second off, this is a cool Sun, as you can see by it's cool shades." Obama points to his doodle.
Another person from the press once again interjected, "But Mr.President, how can these shades possibly exist on the Sun? Wouldn't the Sun simply melt them away? Also, why is the cow flowing so much milk? I investigated this picture and I see no one milking it. How can she milk it without any assistance? I DEMAND ANSWERS MR.PRESIDENT!"
The press room began to rumble with anger.
In an attempt to calm nerves, the President started to wave his arms wildly in the air. "Everyone calm the fuck down. First off, I'm better than you. So fuck off. Second off, fuck you. And fuck you too! I'm the goddamn President. If the fucking President wants to doodle random shit, well goddamn it the President is going to doodle random shit."
In a surprise to everyone, the President then began to pull his pants down and furiously masturbate.
"And if the President wants to jerk his weenie all over the press corps. Then goddamn it the press corps is going to get splooged!"
Suddenly the President came all over the press corps.
More to come as this develops.