UnNews:Obama dog choice named
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
14 January 2009
Washington, D.C. -- In a stunning move covered by all major news outlets, the Obamas have finally decided on a family dog, a decision which is being called by some, the most important decision the president will ever have to make, a choice which has historically sparked controversy and debate, even splitting political parties.
Barack Obama spokesman John G. Millenbergur announced Wednesday in an emergency press conference that his daughters, Sasha and Malia, chose Nutter, a 9-week-old Labrador retriever, as the lucky pooch. "I am so glad we have finally settled this important subject", Obama was reported to have said. "I really don't know what would've happened if we hadn't figured this one out."
The drama began near the beginning of Obams's historic campaign when Obama said he would be choosing a dog to represent his family in the canine world, causing speculation and intense debate, from both mainstream media and bloggers alike, specifically concerning the repercussions of the decision in the Middle East, such as the threat of nuclear annihilation by Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, as well as the domestic problems, such as the crippled economy and energy crisis.
Political commentators however, are quick to point out that the choice remains of whether or not the Obama dog will be an inside dog or an outside dog. On that particular subject, however, Millenbergur remained mum. "The Obamas do not wish to discuss matters relating to the geographical status of Nutter at the current time," he said. Millenbergur was quick to point out, however, that "the mere fact that Obama could make such an important decision with all of the media scrutiny was a triumph."
When asked why he chose to get the Labrador, Obama responded "Well I'll be busy for the next four years so I needed someone to take my place as father of my daughters."
The choice has already come under criticism from authorities on dogs, with some claiming that Labradors are an unfit pairing for a man in Obama's position. "Labs are just too rowdy for a man with this kind of job", said dog show winner and canine expert Jim Florig-Mims. "With such an astounding workload, Obama should have chosen a dog that is more relaxed." Several groups however, have formed in favor of a Labrador as the dog of choice, including many prominent senators and congressmen diving into the fray. Even dignitaries have weighed in on the extremely controversial issue, with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown being recorded as saying "I like it," when asked his opinion on the choice.
Al-Jazeera, the Arabic news network, released a tape on Wednesday supposedly recorded by Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. In the tape, bin Laden places heavy criticism on the choice of Nutter, including wishing a "genocide on all infidel Labradors" that are currently in the world. This concurs with bin Laden's previous comments on the Western world, including condemning their "hero-worship" of things he considers to be superficial and trivial. "Whatever people think about the decision", Millenbergur said. "It was the decision of the president, and he will face whatever consequences arise from it."