UnNews:Obama delivers state of the underworld address; Shneersh and Nairf stand at his side
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Obama delivers state of the underworld address; Shneersh and Nairf stand at his side
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 26, 2015, 04:13 (UTC)
29 October 2009
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THE UNDERWORLD -- The dark lords Shneersh and Nairf appeared in a blaze of unholy fire beside Satan-worshiping President Barack Obama here today during his state of the underworld address, in which he repeatedly gave thanks to the devil and invoked the dark spirit of the Pharaoh Zeus for aid in achieving his socialist agenda.
Proclaiming that the sub-earth mark is now sooner, he vowed that we would certainly "hear from the grandma". His composite self was present as well, imploring us all to serve confidently. He also forbade women from doing arithmetic, on threat of being lashed with a marker, explaining that it would result in God's name.
He appealed to the fact that he is the first president "with game" - specifically calling it "nigger game" - to promote his honesty, to which Shneersh expressed his great approval. He then singled out Nairf, who was standing at his right hand, crediting him with playing an integral role in the effort to sell back when we were selled [sic] by gambit.
He concluded by describing the importance of the times we are living in - a time of us gets, that 'an't leave - and dedicated the speech to his mother earth, assuring that it will all happen if she said.
Republican response to the speech was a horrified "I told you so. We have known all along that this president is a tool of the enemy," said representative Bobby Jindal. "And now here's proof, if you would just NOT BE BLIND and OPEN YOUR EYES, America. Yes We Can? Well, maybe we can, but should we?"