UnNews:Obama cites animal rights for Libya move

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5 April 2011

Burning raccoons

The U.S. Army published this photo of Gadhafi mercenaries murdering playful raccoons.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After two weeks of shifting rationales for the military operations in Libya, President Obama has defended the action as a defense of animal rights.

Speaking before an impressionable group of cadets at the West Point military academy, the President said, "The United States received intelligence that raccoons on the ground were at mortal risk in the conflict against the Gadhafi regime. We had to act, and act when we did, exactly four weeks after the war broke out.

"Let me be clear," Mr. Obama continued. "I did not act unilaterally. I went to PETA and they authorized this military operation. The entire world animal-rights community is behind us. And pushing."

Speaker of the House John Boehner was quick to disagree with the President. "When the rebels wrap those wind-scarves around their heads, the slit for their eyes and their dark skin makes them look like raccoons. They are not raccoons but deadly al-Qaeda fighters. We should not be supporting them." Asked whether he would move to block the Libya operation, however, Rep. Boehner demurred: "We are working on the budget. We are saving $2 billion a week." He said that the saved money will go a long way toward paying for some of the bombs.

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