UnNews:Obama chides Romney on dick size
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Obama chides Romney on dick size
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, February 22, 2017, 15:21:UTC)(
8 July 2012
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Barack Obama recently ridiculed Mitt Romney's claim to having a bigger penis than his. The president also chided the Mormon for his promise to continue inserting his needle-dick into China's business, saying in an advertisement released Saturday that the Republican candidate has no such reach.
Obama's ad turns to a recent Washington Post report that many whores backed by Romney's pimping firm moved to China to work. He compared Romney to a pimp who has such a small penis that he can’t even satisfy his bitches at home. The ad follows Obama's announced plans to file a prostitution complaint against China at the WTO for unfairly importing all those hookers who formally put out in the US of A.
Romney, in response, has accused Obama of failing to live up to promises on virtually anything, apart from Romney Care, saying he personally would label China a most favored nation on his first day in office and further perpetuate the transfer of American whores to lucrative jobs overseas.
But Obama's administration says it has taken a bigger dick approach to what it calls unfair Chinese prostitution practices, the president saying,“How dare those Chinese work their asses off! How dare they entice our whores!”
The 30-second ad opens with a clip of Romney during a 2011 Republican primary debate where he said, “The Chinese are smiling all the way to the bank taking our whores. But the joke is on them, because WE own the bank and have the bigger dicks.”
When asked about Romney’s claim to having a bigger dick the President laughed and said, “If you want to measure Romney’s dick then use a Swiss Army knife ruler. But to measure mine you’ll need a yardstick!
“Just look at Romney!” Obama mocked. “He’s from Utah so he’s not even a real American. And a Mormon? I mean, how can we even believe who is his real mother? Are we just supposed to trust the guy at his word?
“He’s not like me,” Obama said. “I got my mandate to rule the world from my step-constituents at Club Bilderburg; I got my good looks from my white step-momma Ann Dunham; I got my huge ears from my black step-uncle Frank Marshall Davis; I got my big mouth from my step-preacher Rev. Wright; I got my big balls from my step-brother Bill Ayers, and I got my huge dick from my Kenyan step-daddy!”
When the media tried to suggest that the president hold a public dick measurement debate with Romney, he replied, “Let me be perfectly clear! I spent two million dollars just to block any investigations into my past school records, but now you think I’m going to show you my dick?” The president continued, “You just have to believe it’s real and it’s huge, just like everything else about me! Otherwise you’re with the terrorists, and you’ll end up in one of the FEMA reeducation camps!”
A Romney spokesmormon responded that it was “no surprise President Obama would want to distract Americans away from real issues by talking about his opponent’s penis size, but we the people, the American people, deserve better than more of Obama’s unsubstantiated boastful ads.”
Yet again Obama distracted people off the issue when he vowed to spend so much globalist money on advertisements that his ad campaign alone would postpone the need for QE3 -- either way the FED has to print it up. The issue over penis length and the ability to fuck with China were issues considered less important to the Media than Obama’s vast advertising funding.
The Obama TV spot is part of a $250 billion ad buy that will run every ten minutes on every show on every channel in New Hampshire, Virginia, North Carolina, Florida, Ohio, Iowa, Colorado, Nevada, and all those other places in America – with the exception of Salt Lake City and Las Vegas, which, like the Vatican, are sovereign nations existing apart from the United States.
The ad represents the latest attempt by Obama's team to discredit Romney's argument that he is more qualified than the president to deal with the Chinese problem. “You want somebody with a big dick and huge set of balls who will not stick it to American pimps that create jobs here in the United States; we just have to stop shipping our whores overseas!” Obama’s teleprompter then stopped, leaving the president tongue-tied.