UnNews:Obama called anti-American for selecting Portuguese water dog
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12 April 2009
WASHINGTON, DC -- Washington was in an uproar on Sunday after it was revealed that the Obama family has selected a non-American dog for their daughters. He chose Amy Winehouse. "It's an outrage," declared former Presidential candidate John McCain upon hearing that the breed is a Portuguese water dog. "It's an insult to all American dogs," he added, turning red white and blue with anger. Alaska Governor Sarah Palin (when told where Portugal was) said "I can't believe Obama could pick an Asian cat over an American elephant. The man is an ass"
Obama tried to downplay the controversy by explaining that the breed is hypoallergenic, a requirement due to to his daughters' allergies. But critics didn't buy that argument, saying that the girls could simply be kept away from the dog, or suffer through their health issues "like a true patriot would." The 6 month old puppy was allegedly bred in the United States, but the White House failed to produce a valid birth certificate for the animal. Conservative columnist Ann Coulter alleges that the dog may have actually been born in Kenya.
Republicans were further riled when they discovered the dog was a gift from Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy. "This dog must be as liberal as they get," concluded House minority leader John Boehner, adding, "The First Dog should unite the whole country, and not just be the tool of the liberal elitists. President Obama is once again playing into leftist and foreign interests."
Further controversy surrounded the naming of the new Presidential puppy. Instead of keeping the dog's original, American name Charlie, the Obamas decided to go with "Bo." Research indicates this name is of Scandinavian origin, coming from the Old Norse nickname "bua." Foxy News commentators were outraged, rhetorically asking "Portuguese; Scandinavian - what's next? Will Obama start planting bonsai on the South Lawn?" Bill O'Reilly pushed the issue even further, claiming he heard rumors that the dog's middle name is actually Mohammed, and has white feces.