UnNews:Obama and Romney realize they have much in common
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Obama and Romney realize they have much in common
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, May 30, 2015, 21:35:UTC)(
24 October 2012
BOCA RATON, Florida -- In a stark contrast from their earlier encounters, US presidential candidates Barack Obama and Mitt Romney found out they had much in common during their third debate against each other at Lynn University. And since the debate was supposed to focus on foreign policy, UnNews has safely assumed their common interests concern foreign policy.
Though Obama began the debate on a fierce note, accusing Romney's strategy of being "all over the map", he was humbled when Romney admitted to his own shortcomings. "Okay, I know my ideas aren't perfect," he had said, "With the multitude of issues a President must have to face, and me never having to deal with international relations before, I understand where you're coming from, Barack. I'm just the new kid on the block, trying to go with what my heart tells me."
"But the heart is a fragile thing, Romney," Barack retorted, "It often needs a head to guide it, to keep it steady. A cool, experienced head."
"I totally agree with you. After all, it was only with a cool head that you could have taken the crucial step of going and getting Osama bin Laden, no matter what that damn Pakistani government might say. I commend your courage. But wouldn't a fresh perspective on things help? Maybe a new angle, which I can provide?"
"Hey, I'd give that to you, too. But if you take up the Oval Office, what will happen to Obamacare?"
This cordial exchange went on throughout the debate, with both sides showing a desire to accommodate each others viewpoints, though at times this proved a tad less-than-effortless.
Such as the time when President Obama attacked Romney's stand on Russia. "The 1980's just called, and they want their foreign policy back. I mean seriously, even James Bond's moved on from that Cold War crap!"
"But what's to say they aren't plotting in silence? That the leadership wants revenge? You can't rule out these possibilities!"
"Of course not. Russia's given me sleepless nights too. But we shouldn't needlessly upset them if we have nothing to go on. Remember, innocent until proven guilty."
"Oh, now that I look at it that way, you do make a lot of sense Barack. But I still worry about the fact that we just don't have as many ships in the Navy as we did in, say, 1916."
"I feel tempted to mock you by explaining how far our military has evolved since then, how we don't have any cavalry or bayonets anymore either because they've gone out of date, and how you've conveniently overlooked our nuclear submarines. But I feel we have better things to worry about than our ability to intimidate other nations. Make love, not war!"
"Oh I feel you, bro. But Iran's still such a pain in the neck, isn't it?"
"And when it comes to hot potatoes like Syria, the ends justify the means?"
"Some of the means."
"Yeah, just some of 'em."
Observers were rather amused by the cordial nature of the debate, and many attribute Obama and Romney's gentle conduct with each other as the reason why Obama may have actually gotten the upper hand after this debate. "Look, when the challenger isn't really challenging the man-in-charge over anything, he loses his purpose of existing," said a commentator, "Romney has nothing to gain by replacing Obama in the Oval Office. Instead, he'd do better than to work with Barack on foreign policy issues. He'd make a good Secretary of State to Barack Obama."
- Peter Bergen "Romney endorses Obama's national security policies". CNN, October 23, 2012