UnNews:Obama's family ready to abdicate

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22 September 2010

Zeituni

The First Wetback takes a load off and muses about her horrible life on the public welfare system.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Members of the political opposition in the U.S., despite their chronic unwillingness to openly criticize President Barack Obama, may have a victory beyond their wildest dreams, as it appears Mr. Obama's entire extended family is sick of the job and days away from quitting.

Last week, Michelle Obama reportedly declared to a French source that the job of First Lady was a "living hell." The enviable position of being the nation's dietary nag, of weaning America (except for the President) off greasy food and smokes, apparently cannot make up for the nuisances of the position: Waiting for posh Spanish beaches to be cleared of natives so that her entourage can take over, having to travel with the Secret Service and dozens of publicists and hangers-on, and having to defend the practice of landing Air Force One on Broadway just so she can see a show.

This week, Mr. Obama's aunt, Zeituni Onyango, the nation's First Illegal Alien, went on a Boston television station and "broke her silence" about the horrors of her all-expense-paid life. Auntie Zeituni overstayed her visa and former President Bush famously told Immigration to do nothing about it lest it dent the wide political appeal of candidate John McCain. More recently, the agency has ruled that Auntie Zeituni merits refugee status precisely because she is related to Mr. Obama, as she would be exposed to "persecution" in her native Kenya as a political target.

Regarding her free apartment and $700 per month in walking-around money, Auntie Zeituni said, "I have been treated like Public Enemy Number One." She also said that the legal bills in pursuing permanent residency were being paid for by Jesus Christ, and that it was not her fault for accepting public assistance while illegally in the country, but everyone else's fault that the system offered it to her.

If Michelle and Zeituni left Mr. Obama and went back home, they would likely take the kids. Young Malia has been studying macroeconomics at the Sidwell Friends School, and confronts her father every day regarding the recession, asking, "Daddy, have you fixed the hole yet?"

Asked about the possibility of returning to power even before the November election, Minority Leader John Boehner said, "Governing philosophy? We really haven't thought about one. You see, we don't want to be thought of merely as the Party of No."

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