UnNews:OU Coach Bob Stoops: Boise St. must've cheated, somehow
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OU Coach Bob Stoops: Boise St. must've cheated, somehow
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 22, 2015, 21:28 (UTC)
6 January 2007
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NORMAN, Oklahoma -- In a very controversial college football game, the Boise State Bronson Pinchots beat the University of Oklahoma Sooners 43 to 42. One measily point. It is highly believed by head coach Bob Stoops XXVII that "Boise State must've cheated, somehow. I believe that Bronson Pinchot himself devised a plan to make us lose by way of cheating and trickery."
Pinchot had no comment on this story, but he did report that he, despite what UnNews has reported, is not dead. Rather it was some old dictator dude named Pinochet. "I would never consider becoming a ruthless dictator, but I'd like to play Meego one more time."
Meego, by the way, was a short-lived sitcom about an alien, played by the former Perfect Strangers star. It was canceled after a month because "they couldn't get past Balki. I'm not Balki anymore! I'm Forty-... uh... What's my age again?" To which Associated Press writer John Candy replied, "Uhhh... who are you again?"
The Sooners are the Beatles of college football. They have won numerous games, including Monopoly, Scrabble, and Super Mario. The University of Oklahoma were founded in 6000 B.C. by Greek explorer Bob Stoops IV, who stole the idea of football from the British, but couldn't tell the difference between soccer and football. Some thousand years later, in 6 A.D., Pope Barry Switzer I founded the religion of Soonerism, which has become the dominant religion in Oklahoma, except in Stillwater where the Oklahoma State University Cowboys play their Nintendo games.
Boise State head coach Mark Linn-Baker released a statement Friday saying, "Yes we did cheat; we were tied and we went into overtime. Then OU scored a one-pointer, which made them the true winners, but we decided to be assholes and score a touchdown ourselves, which gave us one more point than OU had. So yeah, we cheated, we lied, we changed the world. But Pinchot wasn't involved, but I did see him on an episode of The Surreal Life on VH1 last night. He's washed up. We should replace him with a different mascot. Hey, is Richard Moll available?"
This isn't the first OU football controversy, after one game, Texas was stripped of its statehood. See UnNews:Pac-10 suspends officials for errors that cost Oklahoma and UnNews:Texas no longer a state after OU football victory. OU won the Texas State game fair and square, and the Pac-10 controversy was stripped from the records In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, The White Album, and Van Halen II.
- Brian Davis "Boise State's trick stuns OU, is blamed on 80s sitcom actor". Dallas Morning News, January 2, 2007
- This Guy "Boise State cheated, no Bronson Pinchot involvement". ESPN, January 2, 2007