UnNews:O'Cobra's Life of Ryan
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
O'Cobra's Life of Ryan
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Tuesday, December 12, 2017, 06:18:UTC)(
19 September 2017
DUBLIN, Eire -- The bankruptcy of the German airline Air Berlin which didn't own many planes was no big matter. The airline used leased machines. But the fact that some concurrents plan a takeover is puzzling. There seem to be some immaterial assets which make it worth to consider a takeover. For example the so-called landing slots. Thus there are also concurrents which don't like to buy the bankrupt German company, but only its slots.
Among them the Irish airline Ryanair. But it seems that Mr. Ryan switched off the autopilot in favor of an erratic blind flight. Suddenly he said, that his pilots have a bad summer holiday planning for 2017 so that he had to cancel thousands of flights. Of course a lie. Media says that Ryan wants to free some of his planes to put them ASAP into Air Berlin´s slots for airports where Air Berlin was prefered in the past, thus transforming Ryanair machines into highly profitable slot machines. But UnNews found out, that the real reason is not about slots but a kind of entrepreneurial hara-kiri. It seems that Ryan is jealous on Air Berlin, that he just wants to leave all that mumbo jumbo behind. Thus he doesn't care that he unnecessarily makes his passengers angry about so many last-minute flight cancellations. With such a policy Mr. Ryan kills the reputation of his airline, making it the next bankruptcy candidate by making investors think that he cancels the flights because he runs out of money.
That's Ryanair's resulting outlook now: Playing with slot machines implies an extremely high risk of losses. Is O'Cobra's Flying Circus ready for crash-landing now?
- stk/dpa/Reuters "Ryanair flight cancellations let share price fall". Der Spiegel, Sep. 18, 2017
- Simon Calder "Ryanair cancellations: The truth behind why 2,000 flights are due to be scrapped". Independent.ie, Sep. 19, 2017