UnNews:Nut-job crashes into IRS; America points fingers
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
19 February 2010
AUSTIN, Texas -- Hours after a software engineer crashed a small plane into a building housing the U.S. Internal Revenue Service, the usual political commentators scampered to exchange ends of the ideological dance hall.
The pilot, identified as Joseph Stack, had set fire to his home and written an Internet blog before he flew a Piper Cherokee 30 miles into the seven-story IRS building that housed 190 taxation workers, one of whom is missing.
The right, which is quick to moralize regarding Muslim violence, abruptly switched to wait-and-see, while the left quickly condemned the behavior and drew societal conclusions.
President Obama, who had dealt with two Muslim shootings and the attempted hijacking over Detroit on Christmas Day by telling Americans to withhold judgment about the "lone wolves," was back to his earlier stance. "This guy acted stupider than the Cambridge police!" the President wisecracked. Vice President Joe Biden went further, declaring that "We must end right-wing violence in the 20th century!"
Meanwhile, radio commentator Rush Limbaugh, who was quick to condemn each "Islamist" attack, took a different spin. "I guarantee you, the first thing out of Chris Matthews will be to pin this job on me," he said. Separately, he was amazed that 189 out of 190 federal workers could be located at all.
Indeed, Matthews, on his opinion show on MSNBC, jumped right on it. "Couldn't you tell that every tea-bagger wanted this to happen?" he asked, using his endearing, scrotum-based metaphor for tax protesters. He called for the arrest of Sarah Palin for felony incitement.
Complicating matters is that Stack left a book-length suicide note which, while it cites high taxation, primarily blames former President Bush, who by all accounts did not win a third term of office in 2008. Republican chairman Michael Steele called for a delay in the scheduled 2011 expiration of the Bush tax cuts "if by doing so, we can save just one life!"
- Mike Householder "Biden speaks in Saginaw, gets century number wrong, but AP edits him". Associated Press, February 16, 2010