UnNews:Notorious killer Jack the Ripper is back to his old tricks
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard|
10 December 2006
LONDON, England, UK — After three new bodies were found two days ago in the Thames, Scotland Yard has conclusively linked the murders to the notorious Jack the Ripper, after a pause in his crime spree for about 118 years.
The murderer was initially thought to be Father Christmas, but this line of enquiry was dropped after the deaths rose to over 3 hos.
Deputy McKenzie of the Metropolitan Police said there was a "definite link" between the previous killings and the latest killings, citing an "identical modus operandi" and "favoured victims profile".
"Killers don't just stop killing", said Captain Moulder, "They only stop when they become unable to continue killing either through incarceration or death. We are using this as a clue to help us identify the killer."
However, in the time since the earlier killings by Jack the Ripper, the population of London has burgeoned to hundreds of times the former size, making finding the Ripper like finding a needle in a haystack.
All the women had been working in the red light district of London as casual prostitutes when they became victims of Jack the Ripper.
Metropolitan Police are now seeking any information about men in their 140s-150s who might have been in the area at the time of the killings.
The cases are still under investigation.