UnNews:Nothing happens, world in chaos.
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Nothing happens, world in chaos.
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, February 13, 2016, 07:32:UTC)(
4 October 2006
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EARTH- In an unprecedented event, nothing remotely newsworthy happened today. Nope, nothing. No suicide bombers, no new wars, no scientific breakthroughs, no dogs crossing icy rivers, not even an Elvis sighting. Nothing.
Worldwide, all televison networks' and radio stations' regular lineups were pre-empted to cover this lack of news, leading advertisers, overpaid narcisstic actors who wanted to see themselves, and fans of shows to protest this lack of news. Quoth one angry citizen: "I wanted to see if Locke, Eko and Desmond made it out of the hatch. Instead, what do I get? A bunch of talking heads yammering on about nothing! This lack of news really racks me off. I wish something bad would happen so we could get back to our lives."
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, president of Iran, blamed the United States, Israel, and the Jews for it all, as he was missing his favorite show, "Jihad My Ride." He also used the occasion to justify his country's pursuit of nuclear power. Similarly, Kim Jong Il, Supreme Father, etc., etc., of North Korea pointed the finger at the United States and its "imperial ambitions." George W. Bush made a speech saying that this non-event is a reason why America should stay the course in the War on Terror and in Iraq. "The terrorists think they can win by not doing anything. If we let them do things like this, we've given Al-Qaeda the upper hand in this new war.
In entertainment, several TV specials, books, collectors' coins, a video game, titled "0-Day," and a major motion picture entitled The Day Nothing Happened have all been planned to commemorate this momentous day in history.
More to come on this story as it develops.