UnNews:Northworst Airlines admit pilots are jackasses
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Northworst Airlines admit pilots are jackasses
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, May 24, 2015, 17:49 (UTC)
7 April 2007
LAS VEGAS, NV - In a rare move, Northworst Airline removed a pilot from an airplane and canceled a flight today because their employee was "acting like a jackass". According to Noah Fence, director of public relations for Northworst, "We know that most of our employees are jack asses, in general. This guy, however, went above and beyond the call of duty."
Apparently, in a move which cannot be 100% confirmed by UnNews, the pilot came on board the plane screaming and cursing at his cell phone. It was believed that his mobile carrier had been giving him bad service for quite some time and he decided to take it out on the mobile. When passengers confronted him on this behavior, he told them to "F--- off".
One passenger on the flight from Las Vegas described it this way. "Me and da missus was just come back from Vegas wid no money in our pockets and feeling kinda grumpy abouddit. Den, this big guy in a uniform comes on da plane and starts beaten up his phone. What are we s'ppossed to do? Let him fly da plane? No way, man. I told him he better sober da hell up or I'd slip him a knuckle sandwich. Dat's when dat pilot guy took a swing at me."
Other passengers leant their support to their fellow passenger. "It's about time," said one flyer who wished to remain anonymous. "These airline employees treat us like shit on a daily basis. I've often wanted to take a swing at them myself. When the cops ask me about it, I didn't see nothing!"
Mr Fence has refused to apologize for the incident. "Why should Northwest say we're sorry? We treat people like dirt all the time. We're an airline. This is what the flying public has come to expect from us."
Also on Saturday, Northworst Airlines admitted (finally) that their DC-9's are held together by 3 pieces of tape and a blue rubber band.