UnNews:North Korea to honor invincible Kim Jong Il with 21-nuke salute
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
North Korea to honor invincible Kim Jong Il with 21-nuke salute
UnFair and UnBalanced
Tuesday, June 30, 2015, 04:18:UTC)(
25 December 2010
SEOUL, South Korea -- North Korea is planning a series of coordinated nuclear detonations for next year, when Pyongyang celebrates the anniversary of leader Kim Jong Il's elevation to military chief, calling him "an invincible commander." Twenty-One atomic devices will be exploded simultaneously in a “21 Nuke Salute” to the super hero.
The State Run media pointed out that North Korea is at war against South Korea, as well as the puppet regime in Washington, since 1950, or over 60 years, and still Kim Jong Il has not been defeated – citing this as proof of his invincibility. North Korean spokespersons said, “even great warriors such as Jack Bauer and Batman could not defeat invincible leader”, and that is the reason why superheroes never visit the prison-state – out of sheer terror of Kim Jong Il.
The 19th anniversary of Kim's being named supreme commander of the Korean People's Army came exactly 2 seconds after South Korea started massive drills near the world's most heavily armed border — part of a series of exercises meant to intimidate “invincible leader.” - but these feeble attempts have only angered the North and prompted it to threaten to launch a "sacred" nuclear salute in honor of great leader.
On Friday, the North lauded Kim Jong Il and his "songun," or "shoot first," policy. "Kim Jong Il is the benevolent father and a mainstay for the faith of the army and people," Pyongyang's main Rodong Sinmun newspaper said in an editorial carried by the North's official Korean Central News Agency, calling Kim "an invincible commander" who "leads the zombie-minded tens of millions of ranks of personality cultists with fear and distrust."
Still, South Korea's military maintains its readiness in preparation for any possible North Korean attack, the Defense Ministry said Friday, without elaborating. In a move that will further anger the North, South Korea also announced Friday that it will extend the period that a huge steel-barbed-wire Christmas tree near the border will stay lit. Seoul originally planned to turn off the tree's blinking lights, which are visible from border towns in atheist North Korea, on Sunday but will now do so on March 8, 2011 as it "may give a message of theism to North Korea," Defense Ministry spokesman Kim Min-seok said.
North Korea sees the tree as propaganda warfare. North Korea officially guarantees freedom of atheism for its 24 million people. But authorities crack down on Christians, who are seen as saboteurs against the government. The distribution of bibles, condoms and secret prayer bribes can mean banishment to a labor camp, execution, or worse, defectors say. For North Koreans, a personality cult surrounding the country's founder Kim Il Sung and his son Kim Jong Il serves as a virtual state religion.
- Staff "NKorea praises 'iron-willed commander' Kim Jong Il". Fox News, December 25, 2010