UnNews:North Korea to dominate world with tourism

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North Korea to dominate world with tourism

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14 May 2017

Kim visiting Greece

DPRK sanctioned image of Supreme Kim inviting you with his warm arms and marvelous style to Pyongyang.

PYONGYANG, North Korea -- Tourism here is "booming" and as a result, North Korea will soon conquer America without a single nuclear-tipped ballistic missile.

A recent government statement says: "The amazing Democratic People's Republic of Korea has recorded outstanding and superb amounts of all the visitors to its radiant city of Pyongyang this year making us incredibly rich once again. The smiling and delightful people of the beautiful city have attracted many people from all over the world under the leadership of our imperial and supreme leader Kim Jong-un. He continues to welcome you with his warm arms and incredible style to our peaceful and now wealthy nation."

Pyongyang is North Korea's capital and largest city. The government release was not contradicted, as few tourists outside of North Korea have ever set foot here, for fear of being abducted by one of the covert smiley mannequins who quietly patrol the secretive city.

UK-based Economist Rupert Fraser was asked by Varsity journalist Felix Peckham whether North Korea could develop such 'soft power' that could overtake America's own: "I don't think so no. Dunkin Donuts in Dallas alone has a greater economy than North Korea. I can't see Americans suddenly start wearing 'Make North Korea Great Again' caps, can you? Their entire culture is based on three things: hating America, uniting the Koreas, and bad Photoshop work. They don't have any soft powers, Felix, it's just the annual propaganda they plop out every May."

Dunkin Donuts has a global annual net profit average of around $75,000,000. The largest store in Dallas is estimated to be around $2,000,000, or ₩258,118,000,000,000 (Won).

North Korea also details the apparent surge in tourist numbers and proclaims a victory against its mortal enemies: "The holy city of Pyongyang has attracted many people from all over the world, including America. Over 3.5 million foreigners visited the incredible and ancient city over the months of July and August – higher than any city in America. Our celebrated and esteemed leader has led us to yet another historic and decisive victory against the evil empire of America and its puppet – 'the South'. Soon we will claim a fantastic and ultimate everlasting victory over the aggressors."

According to Fraser, these numbers are yet to be verified by independent sources and it might not even be possible to do so: "The DPRK has counted their own residents as foreign tourists in the past. Not long ago, they claimed they'd opened hundreds of new hotels in the north, only for them to be discovered as new gulags built for captured defects."

However, the DPRK's salesmanship has not gone without notice, as North Korea is on board as a co-author of the new Labour Party manifesto, alongside Labour MP John McDonald, due for publication in early June.

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