UnNews:North Korea launches one way communications satellite
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
13 December 2012
PYONGYANG, North Korea --
President Kim Jong-Un - the China's Peoples Daily's 'Sexiest Man of the Year' - said his country had now joined the Nuclear Powers' Club. The North Korean government said they didn't need some idiot jumping around like a horse' to promote the true spirit of Democratic Korea and its solid adherence to the tenets of Communism. The new satellite - Kimnik 1 - has an unusual design in that it can broadcast messages from North Korea but has no technical ability to receive anything in. This is to prevent viruses being sent to it from North Korea's enemies - South Korea, Japan and the USA. It also means the North Korean populace with be spared Kim Kardashian's television reality shows.
President Jong-Un said the satellite will be the first of many. A North Korean English Language service will also be launched to 'spread the message to the oppressed' and take on CNN, Fox News, BBC and The Onion.
"Now the world will understand that the Democratic Republic of Korea is standing up against the capitalist powers and their trivial press. We have a lot to say about me here and I want that message brought across. In honour of my father and my grandfather, what my country has done this year will be remembered when 'Gangnam Style' is consigned to the trash cans of Capitalist exploitative Music."