UnNews:North Carolina honors wounded warriors with VIP parking
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
16 August 2012
NORTH CAROLINA -- Wounded war vets in North Carolina are getting VIP parking spaces marked by signs with a dramatic silhouette of a man carrying a wounded soldier with both legs blown off. “We’re proud of our military service members who have given so much in defense of Western corporatism,” Onslow County Manager Jeff Hudson told the Daily News. “We exalt in our warriors who’ve been wounded propping-up banker-run plutocracy.”
Hudson told the newspaper that county officials would install two wounded warriors parking spaces each at the tax office, the health department and the county's cemetery, in that order. “It’s a new program for us, but certainly we’re proud of our service members,” Hudson said. “We want to make sure that if and when they can afford to purchase a used car, as well as pay exorbitant costs for gas, that it’s as easy as possible for them to go and pay their taxes.”
The county also will get new parking spaces marked specifically for pacifists. “We didn’t want to only honor our peacekeepers, because in this community we need to pay attention to our warriors as well,” Hudson said, adding that the Registry of Deaths is another county location possibly getting wounded warrior parking spaces.
Hudson said state and county officials got the idea to implement the new parking spaces after a local war veteran killed 12 policemen while trying to steal an old Moped abandoned in a Walmart parking lot last summer.
The new parking spaces were previously reserved for bankers, but were rarely used, according to Becky Pollack, the registrar with Onslow County. Pollard told a journalist that she suggested the idea to Hudson because she sympathized with injured service members who had to walk long distances because they couldn’t afford a car or gasoline. “It’s wonderful to be able to provide our services to the military,” said Pollard. “Because of them we live care-free lives.”
- Repeater "North Carolina county honors wounded warriors with VIP parking". FOXY News, August 16, 2012