UnNews:North America stolen, justified as finders keepers, losers weepers
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North America stolen, justified as finders keepers, losers weepers
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, July 20, 2017, 18:50:UTC)(
4 October 2006
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WASHINGTON DC -- Bob Zobar, native American and President of the International Rights Commission (IRC) came before the United States Supreme Court Tuesday to appeal a verdict by the Alabama District Court which found him guilty of stealing the bulk of North America.
The Supreme Court found that due to the fact most of North America was technically "stolen" from the Native American people they had the right to "reposess" it. This decision comes as a shock to the American justice system, as they will need to release all putative "theives" from America's prisons. Approximately 10,000 inmates in U.S. prisons are there for theft, another 7.5 million are there on drug-related charges, and the rest are Al-Qaida, being held without any legal representation.
It is expected that following this decision, Britain and Australia will follow in suit, since both countries are known for being compleatly spineless and incapable of making decisions of their own. Britain will return the islands to the Anglo-Saxons, and Australia will give all their land back to the Aborigines.
It's unknown at this time what the native populations will do with the land, since they had it for
Bob Zombar Made this statement "If the Europeans that came to this country hundreds of years ago stole everything they set eyes on, why cannot I?!. This desision is going to make me rich! Rich, I tell you! I can't say the same about the rest of you, but I'm all that matters!"
After making this statement Bob Zombar proceeded to steal this reporter's camera and car. I talked to the police, but apparently now what he did was perfectly legal. So I stole this UnNews article, too. Ha-ha, suckers! Come get me!