|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
25 July 2009
EDDY'S HOUSE, Next to the White Castle -- Eddy and all his friends threw a totally sweet party at his residence Friday night while their loser friends attended Comic Con. Eddy and company purposely scheduled the party so as not to feel awkward leaving them out. Mandy was there, and Steve brought all the liquor. Everyone expressed total relief that Jimmy and all the guys who play D&D were too busy dressing up as Stormtroopers to show up since they always cause all these awkward silences and it really sucks when they get drunk because they're so annoying.
According to sources close to Eddy, Jimmy announced he would attend Comic Con some time in early March this year. Since the announcement, Eddy's compatriots have allegedly been planning the party to end all parties in secrecy, revealing plans only to close friends and guys they knew who were great when they come to these kinds of things. Plans were nearly compromised mid-June when Jimmy's brother 'Alex saw Steve making a list of people to invite. The immediate cover of a surprise birthday party for a college friend was deployed. The party committee has since operated in top secrecy, ending contact with all non-essential acquaintances.
Facebook and Twitter reports indicate Eddy's party was fuckin' awesome. Mandy got shitfaced and finally agreed to play Rock Band which she always thought was just some dumb kids toy. Max showed up too but he had to leave when he realized he left his drier on. Man what a dumbass.
Jimmy's blog indicates Comic Con is really awesome too. Unconfirmed reports disclose that he met Bruce Campbell at the Burn Notice panel and he saw some guy dressed up as a character from Jonah Hex which "isn't even out yet oh my god what is the guy's problem?!!?"
Eddy confirms he's totally thinking of doing this again next year as long as someone totally doesn't tell Jimmy or Alex. And maybe you shouldn't tell Mandy either because she puked and went home feeling really sick. Shit.