UnNews:Nobel Prize for chemistry goes to beer bong inventor

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4 October 2006

Beerbonggirl

Nobel Prize committee spokesmodel and upside-down beer bong girl, Jenny Mathis.

STOCKHOLM, Sweden --American Roger D. Kornberg, whose father won a Nobel Prize a half-century ago, was awarded the prize in chemistry Wednesday for the invention of the beer bong, a vital piece of equipment for college students and other young adults working at dead-end jobs.

The work is important for the leisure and drug industries, because the unique configuration of the beer bong may have important consequences for the treatment of illnesses like cancer, heart disease and various kinds of inflammation. Or maybe not. And learning more about the entire bong process is key to getting appropriately shit-faced.

Kornberg, 59, a professor at the Stanford University School of Medicine, said medical benefits from his research have already taken root.

"There are ... already many therapies, many drugs that are in development in trials or already available and there will be many more," he said. "Significant benefits to human health are already forthcoming. I think there will be many many more."

Kornberg's award, following the Nobels for medicine and physics earlier this week, completes the first American sweep of the Nobel science prizes since 1983. So in your face, you French fuckers!

Americans have won or shared in all the chemistry Nobels since 1992. The last time the chemistry Nobel was given to just one person was in 1999, when it was awarded to Dr. Thomas Scholl for his pioneering work in foot powder.

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