No more political clichés as pantomime horse operatives vote to strike
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, August 31, 2015, 09:36:UTC)(
12 May 2010
There has been growing anger by those who make their living working as pantomime horses at regular news reports referring to their profession as a joke when comparing it to British political parties making unlikely alliances. This ‘abuse’ had been recently increased following the formation of the new Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition government
Brian Pegasus, General Secretary of the HOOFERS trades union, clip clopped up to a microphone waved in front of him to whinny on about British journalists using the caricature of a pantomime horse to describe the new British government.
"It's a bloody disgrace," Mr Pegasus neighed in between helping himself in his nose bag. "For too long my union of pantomime horses have suffered ridicule, sick jokes and general abuse for just doing our jobs. It takes dedication to agree to stick your head down inside a horse costume, next to a colleague’s bottom and go out there and entertain people."
He added, "I get so livid it makes me want to toss my mane, snort and then gallop across the meadows – which is difficult if you are living in a pokey flat in Wolverhampton. Now every time I see a television programme or read a newspaper, I just see ignorant comments like 'this so-and-so arrangement is akin to a pantomime horse solution. Well I can tell you all, we've had enough. No more making the kiddies laugh at Christmas or taking part in marathons or fun runs to raise money for charity. And we will no longer supply manure for Kew Gardens either."
Mr Pegasus says that a recent meeting of HOOFERS, his motion to call a strike was so popular that it beat a more moderate suggestion by a "nodding donkey mile". What exactly this industrial action would mean but Mr Pegasus hinted that he and his number 2 in the costume, Jack Equus would "go naked" and refuse to wear the costume. So far the British Media have refused not to use the cliché in future so there appears to be a stand off by both sides.
A spokesman from the BBC added, "Let's face it, what can we do without a handy metaphor like the pantomime horse? We could call it a pantomime cow but horses are always absurd if you two people running around in a costume. I hope the horses will be lead back to the waters of reality and just drink in all the irony."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|