UnNews:No Elephants in Africa
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No Elephants in Africa
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, May 30, 2015, 13:03:UTC)(
3 August 2006
An angry mob of enviromentalists, zoo keepers, and Disney fans flooded the streets of JoBurg late afternoon in a response to what might well be the world's most elaborate practical joke.
In one of his well known flametory speeches, the famous freedom fighter Mobutu Dumbo screamed into his ornate gold speckeled megaphone:
| Brothers! This is yet another example of the white man's cruelty toward the natives of the black continent. For years we have been led to believe that Elephants are mother nature's most heroic yet cuddly creations. All of us wanted to have one as a pet, we spend a small fortune on zoo admissions, we saw the movies, we told the tales around the fire. Hell, my mother even changed my last name after that cursed Elephant!
And now brothers, we have found a proof to the horrible truth. THE ELEPHANTS ARE NOTHING BUT A SICK WHITE JOKE made on our expense. And I say brothers - this is where the white man is discovered in all his lowliness. He has taken our African pride and torn it to shreds. The Elephants are nothing more than really nice painted real size pictures.
With that Mobuto broke down and cried miserably while waving a Dumbo doll in circles.
A spokeperson for the South African Police expressed grave concern for the internal stability of the nation. "They've all gone mad! They're flooding the streets waving used zoo tickets, and banners of Dumbo the flying elephant, demanding refunds for zoo admissions and Dumbo screenings. I'm not sure we have the manpower to hold the fort".
No comment was released to the press by the Disney Empire.