UnNews:Nigerian man's explosive flatulence mistaken for terror attempt
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Nigerian man's explosive flatulence mistaken for terror attempt
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!
Thursday, November 26, 2015, 21:25:UTC)(
26 December 2009
ROMULUS, Michigan -- A Nigerian man, 23 year old Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, disrupted a passenger flight on Friday from Amsterdam to Detroit approximately 20 minutes from landing with a monstrous and thundering flatus, which was initially mistaken by Homeland Security officials as a terror bombing attempt against the United States.
A passenger a few rows back from the man indicates that the man had been fidgety through the entire flight, often rocking from side to side, and had made several trips to the lavatory. Approximately 20 minutes from landing the passenger reported what he described as a "loud clap" or "the sound of two pig carcasses slapping together" followed by a distinct odor that was initially mistaken for the sulfurous smell of a lit match. Shortly thereafter he reported seeing visible fumes or "stink rays" rising up from the seat.
Upon further investigation it was discovered that Abdulmutallab had eaten two week-old roast pork sandwiches and 2 servings of a traditional Nigerian bean dish and drank an entire 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew. before boarding the aircraft. He also has a history of gastrointestinal illness and is a reported member of Al LePetomane, which according to its Myspace page, is Nigeria's largest and oldest farting club. As a result of the flatulence attack, Abdulmutallab was treated for second degree burns of the inner thigh, buttocks, and scrotum, and first degree burns on his legs and lower back. Numerous passengers seated nearby were treated and released for inhalation of noxious fumes. Many survived by breathing through their undershirts.