UnNews:Nicole Kidman's face overdue and over budget

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Nicole Kidman's face overdue and over budget

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15 May 2014

Kidmanbloat

It is clear that preparations are in a much earlier stage than previously reported.

CANNES, France -- Actress Nicole Kidman's face may not be ready in time to save her marriage to Kiwi husband Keith Urban. Inspectors sent over from New Zealand, have welcomed the special task force brought in to speed up preparations, but describe the situation on the surface of Kidman's cheeks as "critical".

An early sighting of the partially rebuilt face at the Cannes Film Festival drew stunned silence from shocked Kidman fans. The once well-loved elegant curves and kissy lips are now replaced by something that seemed ruthlessly sandblasted.

The problem with the new Kidman face is said not just to be down to the construction, but to the poor planning. Whilst the skin under the eyes and the lips must undergo costly upgrades, the nose will be knocked-down and rebuilt completely.

Kidman's spokesman Amanda Cat insists that Kidman's face will be ready in time and dismissed talk of missed deadlines as borderline racism against the actress because of her Australian/New Zealandly roots — "She's from somewhere around there," she commented.

An unnamed source speculated that Sandra Bullock may be brought in for the crucial marital discussions, if Kidman's features are not ready. This has been denied by people close to Kidman who say that whilst the Bullock profile is still in fine form, her brain was converted into private flats in 2013.

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