UnNews:Nice breaths sigh of relief as notorious gangster charged
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
6 March 2008
NICE, France-- France breathed a sigh of relief today as notorious Mafia Godfather Pierre 'Lettuce' Lapin was taken into custody by police.
Although his business card simply says '2nd Hand Furniture', this infamous, brutal gangster was wanted on accounts of crop protection racketeering, money laundering, and illegal greyhound betting. Details of his crimes recently being discovered suggest that his first part in organised crime was laundering money from drug deals through his bar 'Le Chapeau'. But it seemed that the money earned from this was not enough for Lapin, and he soon moved into drug dealing himself, using French street beggars as fronts.
In a statement, Captiane MacGregor of the Nice Gendarmes, and leader of Operation Pâques, commented on the unusual way in which the mobster was caught.
"Ah, oui, oui, oui. An operative of mine was walking to une pâtisserie and ee saw a beggar with a rabbit, he thought this very strange, but took no action. However, when ee returned from zee pâtisserie ee zaw that zee beggar had changed but the rabbit had not! He immediately investigated. "
Operation Pâques was swiftly launched to investigate this rabbit's affairs.
This soon showed that the as so far unidentified rabbit had several bank accounts in Lichtenstein, was domiciled in Monaco, had a yacht in Jersey, and had French, Israeli, Canadian, and Swiss passports, some of which may prove to be fake. It also emerged that the rabbit was managing the street beggars in Nice in return for using them as a front for drug deals.
The rabbit was briskly arrested and identified as Pierre 'Lettuce' Lapin, who had previously been charged with crop protection
roquetteracketeering, threatening to destroy yields of cabbage, lettuce, and carrots unless a fee was paid. Although charged, he slipped underground while released on bail.
Lapin is due to be charged at Nice Cour d'assises on Tuesday.