UnNews:Niagara Falls loses job
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Niagara Falls loses job
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, January 16, 2017, 17:33:UTC)(
17 March 2010
NIAGARA FALLS, New York – America’s famous Niagara Falls waterfall has received a notice of termination of employment. Authorities cite a sagging economy and slowdown in honeymooners as the reasons for lying off the great wonder of nature. The move is sure to raise tempers and lower inflation.
In spite of being fired, the waterfall has protested by continuing to work without getting paid. Ed Cummings, a policeman on duty at the Waterfall, told UnNews, “It’s the economy and marriage slowdown. We just can’t afford to maintain this waterfall anymore!” Cummings admitted, “Do you have any idea how much money it costs to keep this thing running?”
When it was pointed out that the Falls were working anyway, Cummings replied, “Hey, it’s got a mind of its own. And you can’t stop it from working for free. But I figure the waterfall will get sick and tied of dragging its ass for nothing.”
When asked about the park and concessions there, Cummings replied, “They’re all closing and we’re closing the park and all of us are leaving. So this big egotistical show-off is just going to be working for nothing and no one. And who wants to play without an audience? It’ll get fed up soon enough!”
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|