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The masthead

We started talking about this on the Chief's talk page. I've edited the masthead (the left-hand light blue box on the UnNews Front Page; code in {{UnMenu}}. Incidentally, the masthead didn't used to ask for the entire width of the left column; its contents made it take up the full width on most people's screens, and my early edits to it broke this. I briefly played with a two-column bulleted-list, but now believe that the fact that we never know what width we are working on, makes problematic any attempt to force items into a fixed number of columns.

You are braver than I, my friend. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 09:12, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

As noted in my comments in the code, the items now on the masthead are sorted by: (1) Important jumping-off points for new users, (2) other user services and UnNews features, (3) the set of awards for UnNews contributors, and (4) three miscellaneous pages, with a lot of history behind them, that look like user assistance but are not.

It's all very nice and neat, 'atta Turk. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 09:12, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Remaining issues:

  1. The fourth item above (the last three items in the list), in my opinion, doesn't belong in the masthead at all. They offer the new user nothing but perhaps more amusement than I got out of them. Mordillo said they should be on the Front Page, as they pertain specifically to UnNews. But not on top.
  2. Both of the UnNews awards are called out in the masthead. I am happy for users to have a shortcut to view/nominate/vote on these awards. But a simpler alternative for the masthead is a single item, "UnNews Awards" to click on for more information; and a suitable target would be the section in From the Chief that lists the awards. That section has links with which to go to the award pages (though it would be nice if the thumbnails were also clickable).
  3. An issue not involving the masthead that I'll list here: I want to move the newly rewritten Style Guide from HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article to UnNews:Style. The Chief has written that he tends to agree, but has also written that we should try to imitate the methods of Uncyclopedia at large. (Well, its Style Guide is UN:HTBFANJS. If we try to parody this in the UnNews: space, it will be doubly cryptic.) At any rate, the Guide doesn't belong hidden in the HowTo: space.Spıke ¬ 12:42 16-Mar-10

With regard to items 1 and 2, I am thinking about having something like an UnNews portal, constructed something like the Religion Portal I clumsily coded a while back. Thing like this could be moved there, and we could put all sorts of cool stuff there like rotating stories, pics, audios, UnFunnies, etc. Comments? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 09:33, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

As for item 3, I am unilaterally deciding that moving to HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article UnNews:Style (or maybe UnNews:Stool Sample?) is to be implemented. I leave the actual work to User:SPIKE, who seems to be most familiar with these particular machinations of UnNews. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 09:33, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

The renaming is now done and references on {{UnMenu}}, and on all the pages it references, are adjusted. As for a portal, the Front Page itself is a sort of portal. The Front Page is sprawling--I rarely go all the way to the bottom--but I don't know about a system of sub-menus. Spıke ¬ 10:37 17-Mar-10
Aw, you didn't like Stool Sample? I get what you mean by the Front page itself being like a portal. I guess I'm thinking something like Page Two, modeled on the Portal:Portals. I'm looking to decrease the sprawl on the Front Page by moving stuff elsewhere. In doing so, it's key to keep this moved stuff easily accessible to the dear reader. Still thinking about this. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 11:42, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

List of new pages

Today's new idea to clean up the top of the Front Page: Just under the form to create a new article, there is a paragraph that offers to show the creator the list of new pages to see if anyone else is creating an article on the same topic. This is crap, because (1) It shows you new pages throughout Uncyclopedia, (2) If anyone has created a new page, it will appear itself on the Front Page on the next refresh, (3) It will not let anyone see intervals between starting a new page and submitting it to UnNews, and (4) Too many people writing articles is, uh, not a current problem. Without objection, I'm going to toast this paragraph.

Separately, as "Contribute" and "Style Guide" pertain only to users who want to write an article, they might appear in this box and not on the masthead. Spıke ¬ 11:53 17-Mar-10

Symbol for vote For. zim-approved. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 13:15, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Like a good, eager, cub reporter, I waited not quite long enough for you to respond, and did so independently. One problem (under the old and the new form)--It is not clear enough that what goes into the field is the desired new headline. I'd like to code a field name beside the field (or even sample text inside the field) but don't know how. Spıke ¬ 13:25 17-Mar-10

The Great UnNews Revolt of 2010

Our presence has been announced in Forum:The Great UnNews Revolt of 2010. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 13:13, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

Kip the Dip recently wrote a comment, well hidden at Template talk:UnMenu, that "the introduction should be more appealing"--he cited Wikinews. Am obviously open to changes, but we don't need more hype on the Front Page for its own sake, or to compete with anyone else's web site. Spıke ¬ 13:31 17-Mar-10
Another reorg is done; Cthulhu et al are over on the right, underneath the Continents (in {{NewsContinents}}), with the heading Customer "service". This entire box could appear much lower on the page; specific suggestions? Spıke ¬ 14:28 17-Mar-10
Let's let things settle a bit while we get input from concerned others. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:32, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
Concerned comments can be found in the above forum. ~Jewriken.GIF 14:58, March 18, 2010 (UTC)


Where is this advertised? How should it be advertised? Who controls it and how does it work? I think this needs to be sorted out. OK, I know the answers to these questions, but do most people? I sometimes see great articles on the UnNews page, but often they don't make it onto the main page. I also sometimes see not so great articles on the front page because that user happens to know about this template. Maybe someone needs to take ownership of updating this template on a regular basis? Perhaps that user could be granted the privilege of pulling not so great stories, and promoting those which are up to scratch. I'm not suggesting we stop letting anyone add their own story or edit the template. But, I think it would be better if this template was updated more often than it is now though. I think that too many people don't know about it. Or current system is to not advertise this template much in an effort to keep the bad articles out. I'm not sure that's the best way of doing things. Any suggestions? MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 01:05, Mar 18

The process is mentioned in Help:How to write an UnNews article (linked as Read Me First under the input field for Create a new UnNews story). Not mentioned in the Style Guide (UnNews:Style); probably should be.
That n00bs don't know how to use the template to hump their awful features is sometimes a welcome state of affairs. I would not vote the Reverend any new duties, as he already rotates feature stories on the UnNews Front Page, and takes quality into account. Perhaps what the Uncyclopedia home page wants to show is the three stories UnNews is featuring at the moment. This could be made to happen automatically. Spıke ¬ 01:16 18-Mar-10

Ah, I see that's a new addition. I wonder if doing that will get more people to use it. Well Help:How to write an UnNews article is the one which is post onto the talk page of new UnNews writers right? A mention in UnNews:Style is needed for sure. Who said anything about getting Zim to do it? We need someone to do it. MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 01:40, Mar 18

The HowTo was previously in the masthead, under Contribute and did refer to {{RecentUnNews}}. Right now, UnNews:Style doesn't say anything about how to actually submit a story, or what to do then. Section 5.1 of From the Chief doesn't either, and actually contains an inaccuracy regarding the Uncyclopedia home page. I'll happily add it, but only after we decide if the process is to be changed. Spıke ¬ 11:59 18-Mar-10 post-edited

I've always felt a bit ambiguously about this section. The idea of some douche bag whoring his crappy piece of UnNews on the Main Page bothers me. However the Socialist principles of Uncyc seem to allow for it. I myself do change it from time to time, whether to whore a story (mine, or more usually, or someone elses) or as an afterthought to my daily chores.

User:SPIKEs suggestion that, "Perhaps what the Uncyclopedia home page wants to show is the three stories UnNews is featuring at the moment. This could be made to happen automatically", sounds like an easy way to deal with the situation, provided I am not the only person who thinks the lead stories I feature are the "better" ones. "Automatic" is good IMHO.

  • If this idea is implemented, I would actually like to have it show not only the three current leads, but to contain recent history of lead stories. Maybe something like "this weeks leads" or ""leads of the last three days". I don't know how to do this programatically, so I won't claim it's easy. On a distantly related note, I've also been toying with organizing editorials to rotate on a random basis (like I've done with Portal:Religion), either on Main or UnNews Main pages.

As for the Masthead changes, and other changes being dreamed up by certain rebellious types, I am pleased with the way things have been going. I've actually been thinking about a decided lack of zazz in our overall presentation at the UnNews Main Page. Some of this is certainly wasted space, or misappropriation of space, in the layout.

I've been thinking about a "Page Two", something like a portal, or maybe more like a drill-down for data from the front page. I'd like to see comics, sunday magazines, Dear whomever letters, whatever we can make funny and presentable. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:16, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

While someone has to convert a story into a lead paragraph for feature on the UnNews Front Page, it's painful even seeing you physically move text from {{Lead Article}}, {{Second Lead}}, and {{Third Lead}}. There should be a process for submitting snippets directly to the lead rotation, which would compile a list of however many present-and-former lead stories are desired for the Uncyclopedia home page. Related (only in the sense that PuppyOnTheRadio could bang it out), whatever procedure rebuilds the UnNews Front Page (on Refresh) should open each file, see if it begins with a call to {{UnNewsAudio}}, and if so, put a little microphone beside the headline. Spıke ¬ 15:36 18-Mar-10
  • It's actually a painless process for me, usually taking less than ten minutes even with corrective surgeries I may need to apply before the article is ready as a lead. I'd just as soon leave this the way it is for now, since it works well and I'm used to it. Perhaps later we can redress this item. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:17, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
I'll have to strongly disagree on the recent UnNews on the front page section. While I think it's OK to remove (by admins mind you, not by users who believe they have mandate over quality control over that template whom I spanked in the past) I don't think there's anything wrong with putting new UnNews pieces there even if they're not brilliant. By the end of the day, our mission is to propagate and distribute disinformation and I see no better place then referencing a wide array of articles and styles from the front page. ~Jewriken.GIF 15:42, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
In other words: Adding any story (even crap stories) to the list is okay, but deleting should only be done by admin? In this case, it's a further argument for having the list maintained automatically, perhaps when the UnNews Front Page is refreshed. Spıke ¬ 16:26 18-Mar-10
This is what I meant about we're being a Socialist (kinda) society. Being a wiki, we're somewhat obliged to tolerate less than outstanding writing, by definition. It's nice for the n00b who seems like a moron, perhaps, but it just trying to find their niche here, to be able to whore something so they can point it out to their friends, who may someday become an Uncyc cog themselves. If I recall correctly, I was an obnoxious n00b. I know, you don't believe it. Lots of nice folks here tolerated me while I found the boundaries of my bat-fuckedness. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:17, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
No Spike, that's not what I meant. I meant that while it would be OK to remove old entries as new ones are being added, purging entries because some veteran users feel they don't stand to some sort of standard, is not the way to go. We were all noobs once. Zim was an obnoxious one O_O ~Jewriken.GIF 18:57, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
As Zim has no problem with manually maintaining the UnNews Front Page rotation, that topic seems settled. Regarding criteria for access to {{RecentUnNews}}, Mordillo has mentioned stories that are "not brilliant" or "don't stand to some sort of standard." Zim may be able to lay out the issue in clearer black-and-white by pointing Mordillo to recent articles that, instead, were total crap. Zim is a live-and-let-live Chief, but there are cases where even he will huff a story.
Miscellaneous points on {{RecentUnNews}}. I learned about it not by finding it in any of the documentation but by personal tutoring by Mr.N. Also, despite editing it for six weeks, on the 14th I added a line that Mn-z reverted as an apparent "one-liner" as I completely forgot to link to the bleepin' article. That is, the formatting requirements for both this and {{RecentUnNewsAudio}}, although understandable, are burdensome. Spıke ¬ 20:25 18-Mar-10

Yea. Um. I don't think any kinda automated updating of the main page list using which pages get featured on the UnNews page is a good idea. I would not like to limit it to that, people should be able to add their articles to the list. What I have seen is pages get featured on the UnNews page sometimes, but not getting added to {{RecentUnNews}}. That's probably not ideal. Obviously if Zim is up for maintaining {{RecentUnNews}} then that's the perfect solution. I think my problem was that we were not advertising {{RecentUnNews}} enough. For example SPIKE did not notice it until I pointed him to it. Recently we have started advertising how to do it a bit more, and I hope that anyone who bothers to read the guides which we have on writing UnNews stories should now find information about how to do it. Like I said, my problem was people not knowing about it. Thinking about it... If a user spots a "bad" article which is linked in the template then they can contact an admin who could then remove it if they saw fit (ideally with a message post on the users talk page telling them why). That's what admins are for, exactly that kinda stuff... Basically so long as Zim never leaves us we are sorted for life! note to Zim: Never leave us you bugger!

I do know that some users assume that adding to {{RecentUnNews}} is something which will happen for them if they write a good enough article. My issue here was the imbalance between people writing good UnNews but being too polite to edit the template themselves, and those who write pants, but are happy to whore it out for all to see. MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 10:03, Mar 19

Zim intends to be here for quite a while, so I'm thinking, maybe I should populate both, just to keep things from starting and stopping on the Main Page. I will continue to feature zim-approved stories only in UnNews space, and will populate {{RecentUnNews}} with zim-approved stories and pretty much any UnNews that hasn't been ICUd or QVFDd. This way, writers will know their story gets whored in at least one place. How does that sound? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:34, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
Symbol for vote Approved! I'm not sure putting everything onto the template is a good idea, but I think anything which you think is good will be good. :-) MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 17:51, Mar 19

{{New article intro}}

This is another template that, so far, I've neither edited nor tried to include in the guidance pages. It is the page that comes up when UnNews feeds you a template story to edit. The stuff about plagiarism, and about web sites you don't want to rely on (instantnews.com) should be in the Style Guide. I don't understand the sentence about ".cc". The little link at the top to UnNews:About should have a link to all three pages, and perhaps a hint to hold down Ctrl while clicking on them (is this just for Firefox?) to open them in a separate window. Surely it wants a lot more really basic stuff, such as the fact that what's below is the usual Uncyclopedia editor, and if you're unfamiliar with it you should start by playing in the Sandbox. Spıke ¬ 16:26 18-Mar-10

I think it's not a bad idea to consider this template a summary, or talking points, of the Style guide. The stuff about instantnews seems kind of outdated and irrelevant. This information was added in 2007. I don't know what you mean about having to hold down the ctrl key. You're right about the basic stuff, why don't you make one in your user space we can look at? Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:43, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

What I would do with it is now at User:SPIKE/New article intro. The reference to "Sandbox" should be a link that creates an article in userspace, but I don't know how to do that.

What's now at instantnews.com is one of those pages that tries to profit from the fact that you've landed on them by mistake. I would say the "bot" that was "whoring it out" in 2007 is now in bot heaven, so this text is not needed.

But a warning against stealing from other joke news sources is. I don't know where it belongs; it is the type of guidance that belongs in UnNews:About (From the Chief), but sources are covered in UnNews:Style and this might be a convenient place to list sources not to be used. Spıke ¬ 00:19 22-Mar-10

Departments (Newspaper "sections")

  • Something I've been toying with for awhile is categorizing the articles as if they were in an actual Newspaper section: News, Editorial, Life/Living/Local(Stories pertaining to Uncyclopedia), Entertainment, Sports, Financial, ???-Classifieds, etc.
    With possible sub-categories such as: -Makes fun of the media, Entertainment-Music/Film/Internet/-Written in the style of an actual reporter {{name}}/(etc.)
  • ...to be accomplished with a small tasteful template added to the bottom of the article. Thoughts?  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  19 Mar 2010 ~ 04:31 (UTC)
I like it. "Departments" (now at the bottom of the right-hand light blue box) in all cases only vomits up an alphabetical list of all articles written, ever. The "archive" at UnNews Audio is the same.
What would be nice, if we got a lot of volunteers, is for there to be a Sports Editor. He would grab stories from the Feature Rotation and create his own Feature Rotation, on the Sports Page (necessarily rotating more slowly than the overall Rotation), and add articles from the Front Page to a day-by-day list. That is, the Sports Page would have the same general appearance as the Front Page (with boxes in a different color?). It's tempting to think about ways that this could be done automatically, through the insertion of [Category:Sports] in stories, but for starters it might have to be done manually. I cringe at a separate, parallel set of templates for each specialty page.
Sports is the only specialty page for which we seem to have a full set of stories ready to go. A long time ago, I bounced off Zim the idea of getting someone to shoop a white potato with red seam-stitching for use in an UnNews Sports header. As Zim advertises his hatred of sports, that one continued bouncing right into Foul Territory. But I now have a sports theme song for UnNews Audio. Spıke ¬ 14:13 19-Mar-10
These are some great ideas being tossed around. Maybe I'll do a model of something like a comics page, then maybe add horoscopes and other articles we can lump together in a page; maybe advertising, or weather, or something else. Anyway, I know that was clear to you all.
Also, a sports page, editorial page, and other stuff would be really cool. My personal hatred of sports has no bearing on my position here as... whatever I am... SPIKE, I am pleased to see you take an initiative on something I want little to do with, except formatting and such. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:16, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Mock-ups of two departments

I got a tiny bit of the way there in User:SPIKE/Sports Page--just far enough to see that what Zim does is feed a template, whose output cannot be pirated by department editors, and the template only contemplates a single use, on a single page, with a single lifetime. If people wrote dependable one- or two-sentence leads, one might write a template that would display a story only as (1) a feature with large headline or (2) a feature with small headline; and these would be available to department editors.

My only conclusion was that {{CreateNewsArticle}} should not specify light blue but should inherit whatever color its parent was using (if we want to ape USA Today, then red for Sports, green for Money, purple for Pocket Pussies). Spıke ¬ 17:28 19-Mar-10

PS--The horizontal row of icons leading to funnies, horoscope, etc. is easier; it's just a matter of new Front Page artwork, then moving the existing templates off the Front Page to a new Features Page. Spıke ¬ 17:31 19-Mar-10

PPS--Sports page mock-up is now complete in User:SPIKE/Sports Page. Red is for SPORTS. And red meat Spıke ¬ 18:11 19-Mar-10

Looking great on initial perusal. The Cabal has been trying to contact me with ominous psychic messages and cryptic notes left nailed to my cats during the night. I've been trying to contact them directly with no success thus far. Until this is resolved, lets focus on stories and such, while we allow out nefarious plans to seethe and develop in our unconciousnesses. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:40, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
I like it, the red and, um, light-red sections look good.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  22 Mar 2010 ~ 04:31 (UTC)
But your "small, tasteful" nav-bar at the bottom turned into a large, Front-Page-style nav-bar at the top. Happytimes, would you care to devise a sample nav-bar as you had imagined it? Spıke ¬ 09:58 22-Mar-10
Hm,m,m,m,m,m... I suppose so, will work on it tomorrow.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  22 Mar 2010 ~ 20:50 (UTC)
... or sometime.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  23 Mar 2010 ~ 04:53 (UTC)

Section Header and Nav Bar for Departments

I've made a couple of models for a header and navigation bar for various UnNews Departments. To get an idea of how these are implemented, you can see this catbox.

The only live links on the navigation bar are to the UnNews Main Page and to the Sports section SPIKE is working on. Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 08:44, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

It would be cooler for the NavBar to have colorful, clickable items, if there is any way to do that not knowing the screen width we are working with. Except for moving comics, horoscope, etc. to a different page, the process of maintaining these sections (copying Leads for appropriate recent news to the proper department) is going to be labor-intensive and we might not want a dozen of them. Spıke ¬ 12:20 21-Mar-10
There is now also a Washington Politics Mockup reachable by Zim's nav bar. Spıke ¬ 15:31 21-Mar-10

I agree that the navigation bar isn't much to look at, but, being a practical if unskilled coder, I would opt for clean and working, over pretty and buggy. I have no objections to a prettier interface, I only worry that things work well.

As for the number of departments and the unwieldiness of maintenance, I think that it would certainly add a bit of work. However, rotating headlines for these sections would certainly not be required every day, given that there are usually no more than 5 stories per day. This would mean, on a day where there are 5 stories, each in a different section, there would be 5 additional rotations to be maintained. Also, it's not imperative that they be done right away.

Having said that, maybe we could consider approaching this in a simpler way than main headlines are done. Something along the lines of maintaining a <choose> <option> list, adding as articles get written. This way we could ease any sense of urgency to maintain a rotation. The preceding unsigned comment was added by Zim ulator (talk • contribs)

(Unsigned as "choose option" above took literal effect and abruptly ended the section.) If clean and working, and pretty and buggy, were my only two choices, I'm with you, Chief. There are many possible ways to make the process automatic, including keying off the [Category]s that an author puts in his story. Failing that, though, the department editor has to copy from the Front Page and put it in his department. No, not immediately.
One observation: In coding my mock-up sections, I didn't duplicate the templates {{Lead Article}}, {{Second Lead}}, and {{Third Lead}} but pasted in their contents. This makes it easier for me to rotate leads in a department. Having those three templates makes vandalism harder, but not having templates would simplify your job of rotating leads. Spıke ¬ 01:48 22-Mar-10
Cool! I'll have to remember to do that when I want to mess with somebody. I'm working in another direction, as you know, doing the User:Zim_ulator/UnNews_Comics_and_Horoscopes_model. This is making me think, perhaps we should refine the choices available to readers in a subsection containing only decent, or otherwise zim-approved, articles. In other words, readers of the Sports page should not be subjected to our worst articles. Maybe we could do like a featured current article, a featured old article, etc. Lets keep working our mojos and see what evolves from this nefarious collaboration. Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:07, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
By the way, it not only abruptly ended the section; it truncated the entire page.
If I were a department editor (NOT THAT I'M VOLUNTEERING), the First, Second, and Third Lead would be drawn only from the Leads on the Front Page (that is, where you had created a thumbnail of the story). At the moment, the long list by date is also taken from its counterpart on the Front Page. That means the list includes our worst articles.
Delegation of authority, however, means that a department editor might see fit to feature in Sports an article you did not choose to feature on the Front Page. Spıke ¬ 16:27 22-Mar-10
PS--Sports Page is now rotated to pick up Romartus's Tigger feature. Spıke ¬ 16:38 22-Mar-10
I've made more progress on User:Zim_ulator/UnNews_Comics_and_Horoscopes_model if anyone cares to check it out. Also, I'm going to try my hand at a Religion News page here using a slightly different layout and style. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 23:37, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
Attractive style. And nice purple. Of course, ultimately, all the pages should use whichever style we go with. Would you please review Section 5 above and say if User:SPIKE/New article intro is fit for installation? Spıke ¬ 00:33 23-Mar-10
Thanks for your feedback, input, or whatever they're calling it nowadays. Agreed, we will need to have consistency, so we'll have to decide on one presentation. The purple is coincidental with the Religion portal. I'm thinking of using the color schemes as done in Portal:Portals for different sections, adding a seeming harmony with other Uncyc spaces. Currently I've used the Portal:Games/Video Games scheme for the UnComics et al page.
As for your work with User:SPIKE/New article intro, I will check it out thoroughly tomorrow. Past time for me to make a correct decision. It's a good time, maybe, to keep fooling with my "coding". Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:16, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
Note at the end of the previous section, Happytimes said (unenthusiastically) he might work today on a graphical nav bar as he originally conceived it. Whatever form the nav bar takes, I think the template should have the contents of the bar, and leave it to the page that calls it to define the box, with appropriate background color. Spıke ¬ 11:28 23-Mar-10

White space

Chief, I assume the blank space below the Second Lead and Third Lead, and above and below the Feature Article, is intentional? What do you think about a parody tag line above the Feature Article, such as shown below? Spıke ¬ 14:13 19-Mar-10

I would not have intended the space, but I did not make the template. Is it possible to reduce that white space, and if so, how? I'm still not sure if I approve of that, or tag lines. We used to have a tag line of "FEATURED STORY" above the third lead. It's misleading because means nothing, only that the story was currently third in rotation. Somewhere along the line, someone stopped including it. Why would we want tag lines? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:18, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Just to parody USA Today with TOP STORY. Spıke ¬ 17:31 19-Mar-10

The extra white space was removed from {{Third Lead}} and I've just removed two extra newlines from {{Second Lead}}, which does tighten it up. Similar excess is in {{Lead Article}} but stet for now. What are you saying, Zim? You would not have put it in, but you're not sure if you approve of taking it out? Spıke ¬ 17:37 19-Mar-10

The Pickled Onion

Though I have rarely looked at The Onion, the new UnNews section seems to harbour the same ambitions! However unlike The Onion which has a deadpan style I find sometimes off putting, UnNews is a lot more international in ambition. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 07:42, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for poking your head into the newsroom. Yeah, I sometimes think of UnNews as the UnOnion (I'm still considering how I'd pronounce that). I've even thought of using the term someplace in UnNews, just to be an asshole. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:14, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

UnXenophobic leanings

Just a note to all interested parties that UnNews, like Uncyclopedia, is international in focus, so there will be no major sections like a "Washington Bureau", or a "Flemish Flagon". That being said, I'm thinking that it's nice to claim a presence in cities on all continents, perhaps all countries, living and dead. I recall referring to our office in Riyadh in one of my articles.

We might consider representing various bureaus, each with a sub-section on the main section page. For example, on the "Sports" section, we could have American, British, Indian sub-continent, East Asia. etc., depending on what we have to work with. Certainly there will be many articles on foot ball (soccer); there could be a World Cup section, when in season or when we have articles good enough to show off. If there were a drought in stories on this subject (very likely, since most Europeans and Brits today are taking up American football and ignoring soccer), the sub-section could be commented out until things pick up again. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:14, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I picked Washington for one of my mock-up pages not because I want UnNews to become US-centric, but simply because it was an area where we had a critical mass of articles in the last couple of weeks to make it a full mock-up. "Politics" seemed less appropriate, as readers who are following the Washington soap opera are not necessarily interested in the recent article on the ex-mayor of Detroit, nor in future articles on politics in Brussels.
UnNews "departments" ought not be static but ought to depend on the quantity of actual articles that people write. For example, an Australian has just given us our second recent article on Google, and I could envisage a third (making fun of the uselessness of relocating from the mainland to Hong Kong to evade censorship). If that trend continued, while it continued, why not have a "department" called "Google versus China"? Spıke ¬ 16:10 23-Mar-10

Sorry if you took that as a poke at you specifically, SPIKE. I was using your work as a concrete example, and I don't mean to single out this one or that one, except for praise. So, praise you, SPIKE, for being an awesome UnNews staffer!

Regarding UnNews "departments" being non-static, that's what I was getting at above. I'm going to work on making this a bit clearer, rather than go on about it just now. Keep on trucking, Spike! Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:23, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

No; no offense taken, Chief. Thanks. Spıke ¬ 16:36 23-Mar-10

zim likes this; any comments?

I've decided that I like User:SPIKE/New article intro, SPIKEs rewrite of our article intro. Any comments before I approve exposing it to n00bs? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:58, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

  1. Symbol for vote I approve, but how long will SPIKE's reign over UnNews last for after he has you assassinated and usurps control, Zim? --Hotadmin4u69 [TALK] 00:15 Mar 28 2010

I already have been assassinated and my crown usurped. I'm dead, in fact. Bon chance! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:57, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

As 5 days have passed, and 16 hours have passed since I asked Mordillo on his talk page to inject any opinion he might have, may I make it so? Spıke ¬ 16:21 28-Mar-10
You do realize that I sometimes take more than 16 hours to respond right? I do have other life outside Uncyclopedia, even though not a whole lot of it. I don't have any comments. Just bear in mind that these are guidelines rather than commandments, so if someone doesn't follow them directly, I'd allow them leverage, as long as it's not pure garbage. ~Jewriken.GIF 20:07, March 28, 2010 (UTC)
In fact, you usually never take anywhere near 16 hours to respond! The trip to the garbage is in Zim's hands, and he is open-minded. This document in question is neither new guidelines nor commandments, but simply up-to-date links to the other files. Spıke ¬ 20:13 28-Mar-10
I'd suggest putting HTBFANJS a little further down the page, and have the ones directly related to UnNews further up - given that most noobs will find this once they've had an idea and typed the title into the Create page box you can't expect them to then read everything that you've put down here, so go in order of what is most pertinent to an UnNews to what is least pertinent. (Not that HTBFANJS isn't pertinent, it's just that it's more generic.) User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sigheil Sunday, 21:32, Mar 28 2010 UTC
The Create page is indeed the only time anyone would see this. HTBFANJS is more generic; it's the most important, but also the most daunting, longer than the UnNews-specific articles combined. Apart from getting n00bs to do it right is getting them to take the first step at all. I interpret your comment as a request to move the first bullet to last.
Separately, one idea that didn't make it from our first discussion (see Section 5 above) into the draft is the advice to click on the link holding down Ctrl to open the other documents in separate windows. Is this Firefox-only? Spıke ¬ 21:41 28-Mar-10
Don't know off the top of my head, however IE 7+, FF, Opera, Chrome and Safari all allow multiple tabs. I'd assume that whoever was reading understood tabs on their browser and rather than ctrl + click I'd suggest open in a new tab. Saves having to be too specific. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sigheil Sunday, 21:47, Mar 28 2010 UTC
Is there a way to code a link in that document that will try to force it to come up in a new tab? Spıke ¬ 23:37 28-Mar-10
Not that I'm aware of. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sigheil Monday, 01:17, Mar 29 2010 UTC
Addendum - It can be done with parser changes, but it leaves the way open for some nasty elements to be introduced, so bad idea. Optionally you can have it the way it is, or transclude the pages into this page but in a hidden div, but that's honestly just messy. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sigheil Monday, 02:19, Mar 29 2010 UTC

zim likes this too

This dude Happytimes has been a busy, nefarious UnNews worker bee, and made the uber-cool User:Happytimes/UnNews/Categories. It is described by the author as follows: "Herein lies the pages wherein I collect, capture, compile & compose the UnNews Category Template data. To be used to organize and officiate. Or something." This will be a great tool in organizing our sections.

This resource will prove invaluable in our revolution, a weapon to turn on the Cabal in our struggle for freedom and indignity. Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:14, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews Comics, Weather, Sunday UnMagazine and Horoscopes

The UnNews Comics, Weather, Sunday UnMagazine and Horoscopes section is open for inspection and comments. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 22:10, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I heartily endorse using such a page to offload the Front Page. But there is a philosophical problem. This entry contains additional content that would not appear on the Front Page. The other "departments" are essentially specific collections of stories that do or did appear on the Front Page. The Nav Bar doesn't distinguish. If I'm an UnNews regular, I'll be pissed off to pick Sports and only see stories I've already read--unless the Nav Bar contains some hint of this.
PuppyOnTheRadio went to some effort to remove the section numbers from the UnNews Front Page. But, because of the templates you're using, they are back at Comics and Horoscopes (for example, "6 Horoscopes"). My mock-ups used {{h3}} and {{h4}} to create fake third-level and fourth-level headers without section numbers.
I personally don't like the section "5 Get Involved." It does contain a warm welcome, but it boasts about what "strange oddballs" (redundancy!) we are, a conclusion that should be left to the reader; most of the links are to noise pages; and it gives a lot less help to the reader than it purports to give. I think the "Write a new UnNews story" should be our primary invitation to the reader to get involved. Spıke ¬ 22:29 23-Mar-10
Right, I'm asking about the UnNews Comics, Weather, Sunday UnMagazine and Horoscopes, not the navbar. My ideas for other "department" pages like Sports only superficially resemble this page, and of course, will contain articles and stuff. I'm still working on this grand vision.
I don't know what you're talking about, work that Puppy did?Link, please?
You remember? the Front Page used to contain section numbers, even for each date in the daily list of articles. Those are now gone. I see him in the history of the front page at 20 February, but most of the changes he made were inside templates. Spıke ¬ 00:23 24-Mar-10
Yeah, the "Get Involved" section, again on the same page I assume, was mostly put there for filler until I completely round out the comics. I'll probably put a "Write an article" thingy in there somewhere, and take that out. As always, prolific input from Spike. Keep it coming dude! Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:07, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
Your code is creating the boxes with {{Portal:Video Games}}. This calls {{Portal:Box-header}}, which contains a <H2>, which generates a second-level section head, with section number. That's why all your boxes are numbered. Perhaps not important enough to justify reinventing everything. Spıke ¬ 00:30 24-Mar-10
The older I get, the more ignorant I become. Your observations point out a distinct n00bness on my part in the field of wiki code. I will look into this. Thanks for bringing it up. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 13:59, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

I like it. I'll have to comment more at length on it another time though.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  25 Mar 2010 ~ 04:13 (UTC)

Looking for categorical input

There needs to be a consensus on what the main UnNews categories and subcategories are (Also see this.)

Any input?  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  27 Mar 2010 ~ 04:18 (UTC)

The Chief already got my opinion: that the categories (to be clear, I mean the various UnNews section front pages) should change dynamically according to the stories that people write. Sports is a recurring theme from me, Skinfan13, and Uncle J. Also, although it won't feel right to worldwide UnNews readers, Washington Politics (driven mostly by me, with five articles on the twists and turns of the health-care debate), and a couple others, who delightfully mistook the signing of the bill for the signing of something else. With any luck, this theme will die down later this year, as it's unlikely that our legislative elections will produce foolishness of worldwide interest, but in 2012, we absolutely should have a page on the US Presidential Election, as people that the Europeans will have heard of will be acting predictably stupid. Spıke ¬ 11:44 27-Mar-10

Regarding categorization, I will need to read over what you've given me, Happy, and I'll give a considered opinion here later.

As for automation, an idea SPIKE brings up, I am hesitant to do too much of that. I believe UnNews should reflect a certain amount of spontaneity. Otherwise, we'd miss out on opportunities to come up with crap like Euroipods and Sasquatch Appreciation Day. I'm not ruling using this technique later, but for now, I'd like to keep things simple. Simple enough for me, anyway.

Recently I've been cobbling together the Religion Section for UnNews. After reading here, I realize that each Section (can we call them Sections, so they don't get confused with what we now call "departments"? or should we just incorporate the existing geographical departments into one section?) will present its own challenges, and will differ in some ways from each other section. I also want to point out that this is a great opportunity to review old articles, and select the better ones for section inclusion.

The Politics Section, IMHO, should be international in scope, and containing separate subsections for American, British, or any other nations politics that gets a few articles written about it. Additionally, Subsections could be created on the fly for such things as the American presidential elections, and pieces which are part of a series.

On another tack, I've pretty much decided that the coding and format of these sections should be done using the templates I've sporked from the Portals project. The Religion Section and the Comics etc. Section illustrate how to use these. I think they're easy to use and flexible enough for our nefarious purposes. Any objections or discussion before I make my absolute ruling? Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:58, March 27, 2010 (UTC)

Categorizing editorial vs. news

I think what you think I am doing is different than what I am doing; but they fit together nicely. That is to say at this point I'm trying to do 4 or 5 (right now impossible to me ) things: I am more focused on categorizing pages for UnNews so that a user/reader/editor can go to a page for, say, original works or sports and see a list of all articles relating to that topic (hopefully, in some sort of article/date arrangement (like maybe on QVFD)). And not so much on how the banner at the top of the page will read at any given moment. (Although, I really do like the idea of a dynamic header for the main page at any given time.)
What I'm trying to do is organize the ENTIRE UnNews namespace. AAAAAAAAA!
Once this is done I think that base organization will help to feed the banner at any given time.
I foresee UnNews articles belonging to multiple categories: one, two, (or a few) MAIN; and a few to a lot of sub-categories. Ideally it would be nice if the author could pick them out on an UnNews article generator (which I have a few ideas on) which I'm toying around with right now.
Question ~ does anyone see a time when an article would be both editorial AND news in nature? Where editorial=opinion and news="fact". (The answer to this question will help me to determine how to build the base of the article generator.)
Thanks! Oh man, this will be so labor intensive!  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  27 Mar 2010 ~ 20:19 (UTC)

Although this is Uncyclopedia, which means that someone will eventually try anything, an article that jumps between fact and opinion is correctly categorized as an opinion piece. Opinion pieces can contain facts, but facts are not supposed to contain opinions. However, here, both contain total crap. Anyway, I think you would be safe in assuming that an article will either be tagged by the opinion label (a small minority of articles) or will not be.

To me, the scheme of categorization is less important than the ability to customize the report. Getting a listing for Category:North America--all stories ever written, in alphabetical order of headline--is nearly useless. Give me newest first, and by creator. The archive for UnNews Audio is just as useless. Spıke ¬ 20:43 27-Mar-10

AMEN brother! Alphabetized is NOT the way to go. Obviously we can hand code a listing of said articles but I shudder to think of going through five years of stuff to place into multiple categories; some of which haven't been designed/designated yet, thus necessitating it to be done all over again. No, there's got to be a way to portion them out that is not manual... or at least only partially-manual. (partially-partially-manual?)
As for the editorial vs. news I'm looking to classify all articles as one or the other as a way to organize the genre; to place them in either column a or b, without having to go with a c or d for neither or either combinations. This may make more sense when I give you guys a rough draft or the article generator yes?  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  27 Mar 2010 ~ 23:50 (UTC)

In fact, the new UnNews:Style envisages a three-way division, suggesting coding standards for each of the three: (1) News-based UnNews, (2) Original UnNews (not based on current events), and (3) Editorials. If people coded their articles correctly, these could be distinguished automatically by reading through the file.

You make an excellent point here. By tradition, we've been using invented sources and the Original template Mayhap it is time we part with tradition, and use only the Original template for :invented" news. Comments?

If you're thinking of designing a complete database, another dimension is: (1) Is there an UnNews Audio? what is its name? and something we nowhere make easy: (2) Given an UnNews Audio, take me to the underlying text story. Spıke ¬ 00:03 28-Mar-10

Thus far...

  • Happytimes - I think what you thought that what I thought you were doing is indeed different than what I thought you were doing. Now, however, I think differently. I think we were overlapping like a Venn diagram. The work I asked you to do would indeed further my original goal of building a selection of articles to show off in our sections. Also, it would be of great use to have reporting capabilities that anyone could use; a two-pronged attack on the readers consciousness, a resource for writers and editors, and just a generally cool capability to have. UnNews audio would benefit from such treatment too, of course.
  • Editorial vs everything else; the inclusion of the UnNews editorial template with it's accompanying category should be sufficient to create a "report".
You two are definitely onto the right track. This is some really great discussion. Should there be a list of points that need further discussion on categorization and reporting?

At the moment, I'm still plugging along with the Religion Section, and doing my usual psychological damage around here. Any thoughts on this new section, or the Comics section? Is Comics ready for production, or has anyone found any problems?

Please keep up the good work, fellow travelers. There's certainly a Heaven at the end of our journey... for you... not for me, of course... I'm certainly going to Hell. chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:55, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

Extra! UnNews Audio gets actual infrastructure

A notorious UnNews anchor has plumbed the depths of the spare room and dredged up an audio mixer and echo box from an apparatus once known as a "stereo system." Today's UnNews Audio is the first test of the new setup; music and sound effects are analog-mixed rather than being mixed by having loudspeakers stuck behind the microphone. The sign-off is more pleasant than the story itself, because looking at the screen to read the story produced excess volume and echo. Spıke ¬ 22:56 27-Mar-10

Huzzah! (I need to start scrounging garage sales for equipment now.)  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  27 Mar 2010 ~ 23:51 (UTC)
Huzzah indeed! It's about time our technological prowess at UnNews enters the twentieth century. Chers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:16, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

In the Chief's absence

I've suspended work on policy documents and subsections in favor of maintaining a list on paper--I'll invite debate after he returns. Have slowly rotated the Front Page, done light edits of articles and sent queries to authors. In particular:

  • We had two stories on Obama-care, one apocalyptic, the other ridiculing the opposition for being so negative; I gave them the 2 and 3 spots with the headers POINT and COUNTERPOINT.
  • We had one good 1-Apr story (UnNews:Obama to America: "April Fools!") and I gave that the 1 spot, the 2 and 3 going to other stories with photographs of other things that are brown and slimy.
  • PS--We had one good 2-Apr story; renamed in midstream, but essentially, "Jesus cums for Good Friday." Tasteless, insulting, and I didn't feature it at all.

Someone, perhaps with the rank of Chief Justice, has kept the cartoon feature alive with a sequence of cartoons of a 2007 vintage and a George-Bush-is-a-dolt motif--old, but nothing that either the Chief or I would dispute. Spıke ¬ 11:33 2-Apr-10 post-edited

Symbol for vote For.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  02 Apr 2010 ~ 23:24 (UTC)
Rats off to ya, SPIKE! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:37, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

Interlocking UnNews stories

Multiliteralist proposes in Forum:Some of you wanted me to be constructive a collaboration for the sake of writing UnNews stories or other Uncyclopedia articles with a shared canon. He envisages a corny "client" of a special news office that wanted the news spun a certain way. Reply there. Spıke ¬ 11:22 2-Apr-10

I'm not sure what's all this is about, probably something to do with a certain cabalistic Finnish plot to intercede with Satan on the Popes behalf. I will comment later, when I've figured it out. Rats off to ya! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:03, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

(He continues the conversation today on Zim's talk page. I've edited Zim's beta-test UnNews nav bar to set aside a page for Columns/Letters.) Spıke ¬ 12:10 10-Apr-10

UnNews Comics, Weather, Sunday UnMagazine and Horoscopes Section Redux

I am planning to release UnNews Comics, Weather, Sunday UnMagazine and Horoscopes Section into production in a week or so. Any outstanding issues, problems, questions, or belches regarding this section? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:44, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

A good and concise title for all of the above is "Features" (for example UnNews "Features Page"). Spıke ¬ 15:46 7-Apr-10
I sort of like the clumsily-worded original, but am certainly open to suggestions. Westward, ho! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:01, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

On the Chief's return

Random Newsroom readers should note that additional discussion on UnNews policy has been taking place on UnNews talk:Style.

I'm not feeling well, so I'll read this in detail later. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 20:46, April 9, 2010 (UTC)

Am contemplating additional changes to the Style Guide:

  • The material on what happens to really sucky stories (Sec. 5.4) belongs in UnNews:About. This note "from the Chief" describes how the Chief does his job rather than how the author should do his job.
  • (It could be a solution to the recent protest over use of bold/italic to give this material the same treatment--more a part of successful "sucking up to the Chief" than a formal coding guideline. I'll make no change here without additional discussion.)
  • Both footnotes in UnNews:Style discuss cases where apparent errors are deliberate. This deserves more unified treatment, with the additional point that it will remove doubt if the author inserts <!--comments--> into the article.
  • Plagiarism needs to be touched on, probably in the Style Guide's discussion of sources. We had a reference to instantnews.com in the blurb that comes up when you click to start a new story, but it was obsolete and I rewrote that template entirely.
  • Obscenity in articles is mentioned in both documents; it belongs in one or the other, probably Style.
  • It was noted elsewhere that we may need a bigger push to authors to edit {{RecentUnNews}}.

Also, the skeleton document that comes up in the edit box needs to be modernized. And Mnbvcxz reported on Zim's talk page that the existence of sample categories inside comments in this template--which usually carries them into new articles--disrupts HotCat from automatically adding other categories.

Comments are welcome. Spıke ¬ 11:19 9-Apr-10


  1. OK, all of your ideas about editing the style guide sound reasonable. Would you implement them and let us know when done?
  2. As for {{RecentUnNews}}, I haven't been following it daily, to be honest. Are there suggestions?
  3. I wasn't aware of the HotCat problem we're having. Have there been any proposed solutions, and if not, should we beg a competent programming type to help us?
  4. Could you go through the Newsroom and archive old or solved issues, and organise current issues and questions into discussion points? Thanks, if you can. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 10:00, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

The HotCat issue was a message here on your talk page, cheerfully but ambiguously auto-replied by me. Again, the above list mostly comes from a piece of paper on which I was writing issues since your absence. It should be complete, but I'll reread the Newsroom to see if there are other issues. Spıke ¬ 11:19 11-Apr-10

Resulting changes

All of the above is now addressed by changes to UnNews:Style and UnNews:About, including moving Zim's preferences on italics, boldfacing, and a manic number of links to UnNews:About#The way I like it. (As this text is no longer mandatory, I reverted a couple of the "should" softeners that Mordillo added in favor of the simple indicative.) Also mentioned UnNews Columns in UnNews:Style.

The two Categories listed in UnNews:Style#Deliberate mistakes are wordy, redundant with one another, and together encompass exactly 1 UnNews story. Zim, would you please create Category:UnNews articles with deliberate errors to replace these? Spıke ¬ 13:13 11-Apr-10

The {{New page test}} is also edited to align with current usage (for example, giving the preferred style for the dateline and the correct hyphens), to explain MediaWiki comments to new authors, and to fix the HotCat problem by removing double-bracketed names of actual categories from inside a comment. Spıke ¬ 13:26 11-Apr-10

Now rereading this page as you asked, I just noticed the end of Section 4: that Zim and Mr.N. agreed that Zim (who will never leave us!) will personally update {{RecentUnNews}} (as I have sort of taken responsibility for {{RecentUnNewsAudio}}, adding dates and elapsed times). Is this correct? If so, I should take out the recommendation in several places that the author do so. I would put the correct information in UnNews:About, so that anyone filling in for you knows what he has to do. Spıke ¬ 15:21 11-Apr-10

Template UnNews Column

Template:UnNews Column is not working properly. It appears to be printing the text,

"Usage is {{UnNews Column|13 January 2000}} to add the article to (for example) [[Category:UnNews]][[Category:13 January 2000]]."

into the article. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 10:06, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

Fixed. ~Jewriken.GIF 10:16, April 11, 2010 (UTC)
Thanks, 'dillo. You rock! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:13, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

Mordillo, would you please verify that what I tell writers of Editorials and Columns to code, in Sections 2.3 and 2.4 of UnNews:Style, is correct given your adjustments to these templates? Spıke ¬ 20:22 11-Apr-10

Proposed renaming (reverted)

Two templates are involved in new article creation (and were recently rewritten):

  • {{New page test}} is the skeleton of a new UnNews article that is initially in the edit box.
  • {{New article intro}} is the help text displayed above the edit box.

These two were probably put in the template space because they're called from multiple places: From the UnNews Front Page (and soon, from subpages) and from the more detailed Read me first page. But they are not templates. They are not called by {transclusion} but by being named in an <inputbox> element. They should not be in the template space.

I'd like to rename them UnNews:New article skeleton and UnNews:New article help, respectively. If approved, I'll do this by copying and submitting the old ones to QVFD so the article creation form is not taken off-line during the transition. (Zim, see a separate renaming issue in Section 18.1 above.) Spıke ¬ 23:23 11-Apr-10

This renaming is now done and new article creation, from Read me first or the Front Page, still works. Spıke ¬ 12:15 13-Apr-10

Except that one of the two files has now shown up in the day's list of articles! This is the skeleton that contains the {{Date}} template. It could be that it will thus show up in every day's list of articles! Puppy, are you reading? Spıke ¬ 13:54 13-Apr-10

That's really funny! Even though these aren't templates, they are effectively transcluded/subst'ed by the inputbox, and are more in nature like a template and are not in nature like an UnNews piece. I would suggest putting them back, however the other option would be to make these sub-pages on UnNews main page.                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Tuesday, 21:49, Apr 13 2010 UTC

Thanks for studying this. I have reverted this morning's edits to {{CreateNewsArticle}} and Help:How to write an UnNews article. And have scooped out the text of the now-unreferenced UnNews:New article skeleton so it doesn't get included in the list of articles. Will now list the new ones on QVFD. Spıke ¬ 21:58 13-Apr-10

This all makes my head hurt... *grin* I can't put time into this until next next week but I'ma gonna play with it a bit here.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  14 Apr 2010 ~ 03:11 (UTC)

Thanks SPIKE and Puppy. These are the sorts of things I have neither the time nor inclination (at present) to tackle. You two rock! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 10:36, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Always happy to revert a problem of my own creation, which apparently would have stuck "New article skeleton" in the list of the day's new articles, every day, forever.

Memo to self

These pages are referenced in {{Headliners}}, which is called by {{UnNews Other Headlines}} to ensure that by just clicking on a proposed headline, you can create the article. So my renaming experiment broke the Ministry of Truth for a day as well. Spıke ¬ 12:32 30-Apr-10

Happytimes, new ways to create articles, and verbose Categories

Happytimes, is that a clickable map on your new page? Cool! But does a third method of creating new articles solve any problem other than plant one category in the article without the user having to type it? Zim will typically still go into the article and add six others.
Happytimes, as Vice President of Categories, would you please either implement or argue against the change I proposed in Sec. 18.1, paragraph 2, above? Spıke ¬ 10:57 14-Apr-10
er, yes..?  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  27 Apr 2010 ~ 05:27 (UTC)
A clickable map is a bit off... but do-able in the future. --still trying to get the "article creation" format straight in my head so as to implement it properly. i think it would be a good idea to have what you proposed as sub-pages to the UnNews main page, but I'm not quite sure what exactly you're asking my opinion on... please restate it (and possibly dumb it down) for me.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  27 Apr 2010 ~ 05:33 (UTC)
Welcome back! Let me recall...I was asserting that clicking the region of a new UnNews story at most automates or simplifies the job of inserting one category in the article. I'm arguing against it, as there are presently two other methods of starting an article (not counting just depositing a complete article into the UnNews: space).
The category debate is now proceeding at UN:VFD; the vote was 5-0 to delete the more verbose of the two categories (even the Chief saying, "Whatever!") until Ozymandiaz jumped in with the issue of humor in category names. Spıke ¬ 18:26 27-Apr-10

Well OK

Let me respond both of the above.

  • 1.) An alternate generator/"clickable map" portal page would insert a category, but I'm thinking of an article generator that would go through many steps, à la Zork, and provide some training along the way (a little style guide, à la UnNews:Style & Help:How to write an UnNews article, and a lot category options/knowledge). I'd like to be able to present the user with a way to be aware of all of the UnNews specific categories.... Humongous task!
I also hope to have this process (eventually) help build a banner or at least provide some UnNews "userboxen" style graphics at the bottom of the page. (I'm still sketching out the flow of the thing.)
At this point I see this as an ongoing process/refinement type of project that will continue on past the original product. I realize this will be just another alternate way of creating an article but I believe it will bear fruit eventually. (I think it is just part of the process of me tying to encompass the LARGE world of organizing categories (& input boxes).)
  • B.) I responded there with my thoughts on funny categories. (Spoiler: I like them.)

Hope that helps. Any questions? Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  28 Apr 2010 ~ 01:27 (UTC)

No questions. Go wild. Spıke ¬ 01:29 28-Apr-10
Sweet!  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  28 Apr 2010 ~ 01:36 (UTC)
On the Categories, you can see that I disagree with you. I think that Categories should just do their job, get out of the way, and not try to be part of the joke. But you see that Mordillo has told me and Ozymandiaz to stand down, so I won't reply further in that debate. Spıke ¬ 01:33 28-Apr-10
Yeah, I see your point on that. But I think there is a time and a place for everything. (For example you wouldn't tell a joke at the deceased expense at a funeral, but you would at a wake.)  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  28 Apr 2010 ~ 01:36 (UTC)
Speak for yourself. Spıke ¬ 01:40 28-Apr-10
"A time and a place for everything"--exactly; but why then do we disagree? You are at the Uncyclopedia Amusement Park to have a good time, but when you need a traffic cop (a Category), you don't want him to be in clown-face! Spıke ¬ 02:03 28-Apr-10
I disagree; lets agree to disagree then shall we. *grin*  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  29 Apr 2010 ~ 01:54 (UTC)


Category was deleted

Category talk:Articles containing unintentional misspellings or grammatical errors and should be left that way because it makes it more better lost at VFD and was huffed. I edited UnNews:Style#Deliberate mistakes to mince words and to advise authors to check the remaining category before performing drive-by "improvement" of articles. Spıke ¬ 13:24 28-Apr-10

Good idea!  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  29 Apr 2010 ~ 01:54 (UTC)

UnNews section released into production

I've released the UnNews Comics section into production, and made the UnNews Religion section available as a beta. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 08:04, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews Sports beta released

Latest version of the Sports Page is now available for your perusal. We're looking for input and feedback about this and the Religion page; comparisons, constasts, opinions? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 23:37, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Now in four sections with wildly incompatible styles--Tell us which you prefer.

Being bat fuck insane, I find the "wildly incompatible styles" thing charming. I guess this is no surprise. Zulch! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 12:28, April 26, 2010 (UTC)

Due to a profound lack of interest, this leader will be deleted. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 11:50, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
It's time. Yes; unanimous lack of interest! Spıke ¬ 11:52 30-Apr-10

UnNews Washington Bureau beta released

The Washington Bureau is also now added to the nav bar. Like Sports, this is nothing but a specialty index. If consensus is that this is so parochial that it is not even better than nothing, I can live with that.

The Features page has the UnNews logo at upper left in place of the Uncyclopedia logo. Religion does not. I see nothing in the coding and suspect that the logo is there because Uncyclopedia has been informed globally to give it special treatment. If the above two sections catch on to the point that they move into mainspace, they should get the same treatment.

I am comfortable continuing to maintain {{RecentUnNewsAudio}} and the Audio help pages, but would like n00bs to step forward to maintain the specialty indexes. Perhaps replace the generic "About UnNews" on the Front Page with job listings? Spıke ¬ 12:28 10-May-10

And now a section with special Oil Spill coverage. Another specialty index; obviously temporary. Other recent themes that have enough stories from enough authors for such treatment are the Iceland volcano and the Arizona immigration law. Spıke ¬ 00:18 11-May-10

This... is... awesome. At this rate, it will look like we have a staff of thousands... of weirdos. Well, I am a weirdo, at least... I shouldn't speak ill of my fellow UnNews personnel. It seems that my excellent zen skills and Laissez-faire management style have paid off.
Job listings, huh? Hmmm. Let's see a beta, then we'll talk. Kudos to SPIKE. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:28, May 11, 2010 (UTC)

Columns, letters, editorials and ATBF section in alpha

UnNews OpEd/Columns/Letters/A.T.B.F. here: Warning, this section has a high inscrutability coefficient. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:11, May 24, 2010 (UTC)

And I have switched it on in the nav-bar (see next section).
  • This page needs a different color scheme from the comics page.
  • In contrast to the statement on the OpEd page, OpEd doesn't mean opinion/editorial. It means the page opposite the editorial page. That is, OpEd means exactly Columns. If you wanted a one-word catch-all name for the page (and every indication is that you don't), it would be Opinion. Spıke ¬ 18:47 24-May-10
Gimme a break, it's still in alpha, for the love of hyenas! I constructed all that shit this morning, and ended up having to nap for a few hours to recover. Thanks for your clarification about OpEd, and highlighting the fact that I talk our of my ass sometimes <smirk>. I don't even know where I got my misconception. Clearly, however, you are not as clear as you think you are about the clarity of my position on the aforementioned one-word catch-all name for the page. That's because I myself am not clear; I just threw up some stuff to play around with. Say it with me, young seeker... "alpha version, alpha version..." Thanks for your input. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:00, May 25, 2010 (UTC)

Nav-bar changes

The nav-bar, UnNews:UnNewsNavBar, has changed:

  • It distinguishes between Sections, meaning selections that might give you content you never saw on the Front Page, and Specialty indexes, meaning an easier way to retrieve pages that once were on the Front Page but may match your interests.
  • Each link has a background taken from the page in question.

Mordillo complained on the nav-bar's talk page about spacing and color issues, and I've played with them a little; thereafter, the Chief gave it his blessing. Spıke ¬ 18:47 24-May-10

OK, I give it a pass, but agree with Mordillo that something looks hinky with the width; it's not lining up with the shit below, exactly. I'm pretty distracted right now, and couldn't be less interested in trying to fix it myself. Otherwise, I think it's brilliant. I would welcome anybodys help fixing it mo' better pretty. Cheers. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:06, May 25, 2010 (UTC)

I wonder if this is what Mordillo meant--that the margins don't line up. I didn't change the box or its margins when I changed the stuff inside the box. I've fooled around with it today but haven't stumbled on the right combination. I'll get this to work soon. Spıke ¬ 01:52 25-May-10

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the problem. Thanks in advance for your help with this. You know how we're just so particular around here about our appearance... Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 10:56, May 25, 2010 (UTC)

A little more research: (1) The NavBar has had the same misalignment since you invented it. (2) It's not possible for the Main Page to simply specify a global margin setting and have the various elements inherit it. (3) In my opinion, the problem is that the left column (Lead article and list of headlines) and the right column (second lead, third lead, and Audio) have additional margins, and indeed different ones. I don't know why; almost has to be something in Main Page. Will keep responsibility for this problem, but anyone with a better clue may be able to solve it before I do. Spıke ¬ 12:34 25-May-10

Okay, I give up. The boxes underneath the two-column zone line up with no problem, but the Nav Bar doesn't. I've tweaked it so that it slops over both ends equally; did this by specifying the margins down to the pixel, and I didn't get one pixel per pixel specified. I believe that this is because the Nav Bar asks for 100% of the available width; some of the tabs with shorter names ask for more width than they deserve, to make the widths more even; and the result is more than 100%, so the User Agent reduces the size of certain things, including the margin. Spıke ¬ 23:50 25-May-10

Upon deep consideration, I declare this whole nav-bar alignment thing relatively unimportant, in the great scheme of things. Thanks you SPIKE, for your efforts. For the record, I didn't invent the nav-bar, but stole the code from Portals. Still, anybody who is more skilled than I (no stretch) or others who've already taken a crack are welcome to make it mo' better. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 10:17, May 29, 2010 (UTC)

Beta versions

Certain pages are marked Beta in the nav-bar, as far as I can tell, because they are in Zim's or my userspace. One page is marked Alpha because Zim thinks it is less ready than the betas are. This distinction is internal and I don't see what is gained by sharing it with the readers. I propose to remove these designations from the nav-bar. Spıke ¬ 02:56 28-May-10

S'OK for me, comrade. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 10:33, May 29, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry not to wait for your response, Chief! Spıke ¬ 12:49 29-May-10

Why don't UnNews stories expire as Forums do?

Given that this format only really works at handling one issue at a time, and given that the above issue is now closed, it's time for my next one:

I have 215 pages on my watch list, and that's too many, but I want to know if someone changes any of my UnNews stories. In one week, an UnNews story leaves the list on the Front Page; and at that time, or perhaps a week afterward, it should become locked against further editing. These are dated stories, banged out so as to be topical, as opposed to mainspace articles that are lovingly sculpted over months and years. There is no point in editing, nor especially going to war over, a two-week-old UnNews.

Possible reasons to be opposed? In the recent complaint from the Make-A-Wish Foundation, the author saw fit to soften one aspect of a four-month-old story (a change defiantly undone by the Chief). Implementing my proposal might leave no option but total deletion. But even here, the article in question was over and done with. The flack should have understood that the Foundation got some unwarranted (but not unfunny) bad press in January, and by the time he wrote to complain about it, it was over and no one cared. (In fact, as so often happens, his attention to it resulted in additional material linking to the long-forgotten story.)

Follow-on point: Articles that have expired should drop out of my watch list, or at least it should signal me that certain entries are watching for edits that cannot now occur.

I'll raise this question in the Forum if desired. Spıke ¬ 12:49 29-May-10

I'll give these issues some thought before I declare that my will be done get back to you. I'm a bit preoccupied just now, so please be patient with me. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:40, May 30, 2010 (UTC)
(This is why I wish we had separate watchlists... however) as one who doesn't write a whole lot of UnNews I still want mine to show up on my list. This brings up a good point though, maybe after a short time UnNews should only be available to registered editors. (I say this 'cause if I ever get around to fully categorizing past UnNewses I'd hate to be locked out.)  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  30 May 2010 ~ 22:08 (UTC)

Me, I don't care whom it is "available to." My issue is "changeable by." Freeze 'em after two weeks. Spıke ¬ 02:06 31-May-10

Don't agree. UnNews may often be topical but by the same token they are available for browsing ad infinitum. Also by the fact that this is a wiki any items that are placed on here are open to be edited at any given time. In regards to changes being made to older stories - it happens all the time, and there are editors who go through recent changes and watch for changes made to older articles by IPs or n00bs. My watchlist includes all the articles I have done from scratch, and many of those where I've made changes to improve an article. To put in place something like this seems to be a fairly large reaction to what I can see is a singular event that has affected a very few - whereas blocking the majority of users from being able to edit older articles would be an irritation for the majority of users who would like to be able to categorise / cross-link / proofread / change articles,                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Monday, 03:45, May 31 2010 UTC

Our Make-A-Wish mini-tempest is not my motivation but was merely an example. Anyone who wants to proofread a month-old UnNews should do something useful instead. When the news is no longer current, the article is basically spent. The Style Guide suggests that it's fine to retell the same joke with current facts. I am not proposing that some users be cut off from editing--but all users, exactly like a Forum thread. Spıke ¬ 03:52 31-May-10

I don't know of any other examples off the top of my head. You may have misunderstood what I was saying, I'll rephrase - I don't see the advantage in stopping all users who wish to go back and make changes to existing articles because some users make changes that don't improve articles. I've read articles that are older and found a minor issue that I've wanted to go in there and fix - including UnNews.                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Monday, 04:05, May 31 2010 UTC
And as an addition to this - I have gone back into articles of my own, including my few UnNews articles, and made changes relating to PEE reviews, or just on reflection, because I've had a thought about how to improve the article. To be able to get something to featurable status this is sometimes needed. Not all UnNews is topical, and there are valid reasons to be able to go back and change them.                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Monday, 04:09, May 31 2010 UTC
er, to clarify, I'm for blocking IP edits after a duration, but not to block registered users. That is all.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  01 Jun 2010 ~ 06:05 (UTC)

P.o.t.R. has created a hack (described on my talk page) to place a "dated" warning on an UnNews. But my desire was not to protect my work from modification by those darned anon Lebanese freedom-fighters, but to provoke a policy statement that UnNewses are inherently dated, with appropriate treatment by the host. Doesn't seem to be consensus. Zim, can you detach from reality to state your opinion? Spıke ¬ 13:20 1-Jun-10

IMHO, it's more important that we appear to be awesome, than it is to actually be awesome. Along that line of thought, what you want to do here SPIKE would be an awesome idea for a wiki that's interested in such rubbish as excellence, truth, beauty, etc. For our purposes, however, I think this would be wasted on the dregs of humanity that keep Uncyc going. In short, it's a great idea for somebody elses' wiki. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:14, June 4, 2010 (UTC)


Did you need more of these to be created?                               Puppy's talk page00:40, June 5, 2009 Monday, 04:45, May 31 2010 UTC

Absolutely. Need help to add some? Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:00, June 4, 2010 (UTC)

Color scheme

I recently modified the UnNews Nav Bar so that the links would have a background color matching that of the destination page. Mordillo commented at the time that the "color scheme was disturbing," and e|m|c yesterday changed it, and I changed it back. The Oil Spill color scheme should be disturbing. (I thought the Oil Spill page was funnier when its color scheme was so murky that it was hard reading it.) But Zim's two sections (Features and OpEd) need to use different color schemes. Spıke ¬ 13:25 1-Jun-10

I'll decide about the color schemes for my two sections after I deal with other stuff that needs my attention. As for the Oil Slick color being disturbing, I think it works well, as does the NavBar in general. I am planning to move these sections to UnNews space soon, after I touch up some things. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:19, June 4, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for improving this! Spıke ¬ 13:14 6-Jun-10

Zulch! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:56, June 6, 2010 (UTC)

User:SPIKE/Blockade of Gaza

If the Israel situation goes on for maybe another week, continues to be a popular theme for UnNews writers (as it was not for the first week of the crisis), and shows signs of changing from a flash point to an all-summer soap opera like the Oil Spill, I have another Specialty Index that could be added to the Nav Bar. Spıke ¬ 13:14 6-Jun-10

Sound OK for me. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:48, June 6, 2010 (UTC)

This led to only four articles. However, it is now at UnNews:2010 Blockade of Gaza and is the first closed (unless some news breaks and someone writes some more stories) specialty index listed under the archived link on the Nav Bar. Spıke ¬ 23:28 10-Jul-10


A week ago I removed the "Who We Are" template from the Front Page and no one cared. (Change summary: "Remove {{GetInvolved}}--It's self-congratulatory, the links are nonsense, and the top of the page already begs the reader to participate.")

Now: The area below the headlines contains a list of phone numbers. Some are obvious jokes (except to readers who aren't fans of Tommy Tutone), but there are two live phone numbers on which Olipro and someone else evidently solicit ideas for new articles. We already do that with Minitrue and it's not clear that anyone wants calls on his answering machine from I.P.Anon who can't figure out how to edit.

The link at the bottom of this section describes the use of CGI:IRC to open the #unnews chat channel. This channel doesn't seem to exist. I recommend we delete this section and the linked-to page. Spıke ¬ 13:20 8-Jun-10

Do not ignore the value of obfuscatory propaganda, young Jedi. Leave the numbers, please.
“The least reasonable algorithm can sometimes (though admittedly not often) produce an unexpected and favorable outcome. The crucial difference lies in whether one considers this a waste of time or something fun to do.”
~ Reverend Zim_ulator on the Higgs bozo particle
There was a working IRC #unnews channel last time I checked, some months ago. There is definitely an #uncyclopedia. I oscillate between periods of daily IRC logins to ignoring it for weeks, and I'm still getting used to my new laptop (new to me, anywhey... yay!) and will get around to installing chatzilla eventually. It occurs to me to ask, is the world ready for the simultaneous online presence of both SPIKE and I?
“I'd never join a religion that requires you to pay for admission. On the other hand, I'd consider inventing one.”
~ Reverend Zim_ulator on the Church of the SubGenius
Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:46, June 10, 2010 (UTC)


My "sappy, trite, and stereotypical" article on the Ohio tornado, following an AP wire with the same attributes, suggests the need for a Sappy News section, for articles that parody the mass media's emphasis on tugs on the heartstrings. We don't have many such articles, yet. But such a section could also hold "man-on-the-street interviews" or hoax reader polls. The Onion has such a feature in every issue (though the photos are always exactly the same). Why don't we? Spıke ¬ 17:23 10-Jun-10

Ahhh! The Onions hurtses Gollems eyeses! Aside from mentioning "that which had best remain unmentioned for the sake of humanity", I read your idea with delight and frox. Delight because it's a cool thing I wouldn't have to do which would make UnNews cooler. Frox because I like making up words. Work up a model in your spare time, if you'd like, and I'll be sure to comment. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:25, June 10, 2010 (UTC)

Because they do what we do, better? Not for long! Spıke ¬ 23:26 10-Jun-10

Pah! A pox on you for saying such things! We are everything the Onion aspires to be. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 23:38, June 10, 2010 (UTC)

There is a skeleton (with only my one sappy story in it) at User:SPIKE/Sappy. Am wrestling with <poll> (and with the fact that nothing about Mediawiki is documented). Spıke ¬ 00:39 11-Jun-10

Nicely started, SPIKE. I'm lukewarm about the word Sappy, though... any other ideas? Delightedly your, Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:40, June 11, 2010 (UTC)

Warm up, Chief! "Sappy" is exactly what it's about. Sappy sells, or at least catering to sappy is how they sell. Of course, the reader doesn't like to be told he she is sappy, but she is. Euphemisms? Some dailies call it the "Women's Page," and USA Today has a section called "Life" (like Nancy Reagan on "compassionate conservative": "What does that make the rest of us???"). Spıke ¬ 14:35 11-Jun-10

Right, I understand that, it's that I'd like some alternatives to just it calling "The Sappy Section", or something like that. "Women's Page" is hilarious... maybe "Effeminate Section"... of ""Sissy Page"... I don't know. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:01, June 13, 2010 (UTC)

"UnNews Emo"? Spıke ¬ 17:47 13-Jun-10

The I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!: Daily UnNews Affirmations section? I like the concept. I want to feel about the news too.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  13 Jun 2010 ~ 18:39 (UTC)

And thank you for contributing an article from last year. Spıke ¬ 13:05 14-Jun-10

(You are welcome, it felt like it was the right thing to do.)  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  18 Jun 2010 ~ 02:29 (UTC)
SPIKE: ??? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 13:38, June 16, 2010 (UTC)

That last was for Happytimes, who deposited an old Lead onto User:SPIKE/Sappy. Spıke ¬ 22:24 16-Jun-10

We have liftoff... the Sappy Section is on it's way to a future yet to come... this is an historic day in American history... Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 03:01, June 23, 2010 (UTC)

Not only is Sappy on the Nav Bar, the UnNews:Sports Page and UnNews:Washington are now out of my userspace. Spıke ¬ 03:12 23-Jun-10

Specialty indexes and Template:UnMenu

After waiting a couple days (1) to get feedback and (2) for the sun to come out and my WiFi hot-spot to rise above lukewarm, I'm going to dick with {{UnMenu}}. The goal is to leave the innards unchanged (except, perhaps, deleting commentary I added some months ago to explain why some of the innards went away), but move the Wiki-table out of the template and into the calling page (this would be UnNews:Main Page). This change would let the three specialty indexes use the template and yet render it in the background color of the specialty index. (They now duplicate its contents.)

Separately, last week, I added a footer to each specialty index explaining what it is. Spıke ¬ 22:24 16-Jun-10

PS--The result, renamed {{UnNewsMenu}}, is now used on all three live Specialty Indexes and replaces {{UnMenu}} on the Front Page. Instead of changing the division of labor, I added a parameter; for example, the Front Page specifies the color: {{UnNewsMenu|#f0f0ff}}. Zim, you might want to make the same change to UnNews:UnNewsNavBar so the caller can vary the background color. Spıke ¬ 00:02, 11:24 17-Jun-10

... or you could do it for me? Thanks, you rock! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:48, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

This is now done in UnNews:UnNewsNavBar and called appropriately from the Front Page and the three Specialty Indices. Your pages, on the other hand, have a fricking directory structure, and I can't find where you specify the color scheme. Go wild. Spıke ¬ 03:20 20-Jun-10

International Bureau

I think you should have an international section on the page as well for everything else that happens outside planet USA. I don't know if you have room though. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 16:22, June 17, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, UnNews is a bit USA-centric despite your entertaining contributions. But I'd rather see a section whose articles are about something (England/Britain/EU) than whose common thread is that they aren't about the USA. Spıke ¬ 16:36 17-Jun-10
I have been thinking about this for a long time, but of course, have been to lazy to actually do anything about it. There are probably lots of other things, like the world cup, for example, which would merit a temporary specialty index as well. SPIKE has been the driving force behind specialty indices, and has come up with a fantastic framework for it. Here's the deal; whoever does the next specialty index will earn my respect, and perhaps some flimsy award template, if I can be bothered to make one. Good luck, and may the best editor(s) win! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:54, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

Podcast repaired

Being the astute, omniscient observer that I am, I completely missed an error on the Uncyclopediacast website, which disallowed subscription to the UnNews Podcast of our audios. After a lengthy UnKnowledge of this state of affairs, I have fixed the code and all is well. Was I too subtle with the announcement on the Front Page? Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:32, June 19, 2010 (UTC)

Impressive! However, on the podcast cover page, under "BP faces whims of American public," the lead (from VATICAN CITY) does not correspond to the audio I did, nor to the headline. Spıke ¬ 04:30 20-Jun-10
Thanks for catching that. I'm on it. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:05, June 20, 2010 (UTC)
Done. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:15, June 20, 2010 (UTC)

Future of Religion section

I'm thinking that we should remove the Religion Section from the menu. It's kind of an awkward fit with the rest of what we've got there, and it seems like a Cabal move to promote religion-related UnNews because a Cabal member fancies them. Any disagreements, agreements, comments, or noxious emissions? Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:43, June 19, 2010 (UTC)

It's your baby, and I don't hear anyone else complaining. Given that we are used to your articles openly promoting that we put no false gods and graven images before the One God (to-wit: certain psychedelic substances), the manner in which you organize said propaganda is the least of our worries. Spıke ¬ 02:46 20-Jun-10
Eloquent, as always, SPIKE. We'll see if more of us speak up before I do anything. Meanwhile, it'll stay. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 02:53, June 20, 2010 (UTC)
Meh. I really like the religion section, however the promotion of such is ok however we do it in my opinion.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  24 Jun 2010 ~ 01:57 (UTC)
I guess I'll finish it up, then. Thanks for your input, dudes. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:10, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

A bit of recognition

SPIKE seems to have become obsessed with UnNews and Uncyclopedia, much to our benefit, and probably to his detriment. As his collection of Goldsteins approaches infinity, I thought I'd give him this little token of appreciation for his work in the audio department, and decided to whore it here for y'all to see. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:50, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

Hip hippy hooray!--LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 20:56, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Oooh, a microphone with a fixture! I've always wanted to "work with a strap-on"! Romartus, is "hippy" a veiled reference to the ponytail? Spıke ¬ 23:37 25-Jun-10
Should we adopt this image for the UnNews audio page? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:06, June 27, 2010 (UTC)
Why not? And I don't have a ponytail either. I imagine Zim is more hirsute. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 15:34, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
I meant mine. Spıke ¬ 15:42 28-Jun-10
UnNews:UnNewsAudio has been updated to include this photo--the previous one is moved further down on the page. Spıke ¬ 02:06 29-Jun-10
I had a ponytail, which my wife sometimes braided for me, that was approximately down to my T1 vertebrae. I miss that old relic. I had to cut it because it became too difficult for me to maintain that much hair. My facial hirtute-iness remains intact, although somewhat attenuated to allow access to the service panels. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:44, June 29, 2010 (UTC)

World Cup coverage could survive as archived specialty index

I have not been truncating the entries on the specialty indexes, as is done automatically on the Front Page. Consequently, all of the stories written on the World Cup are accessible at UnNews:Sports Page.

The next step, to be done maybe a week or two after the World Cup is awarded, is to remove all these articles to a new Specialty Index, such as UnNews:2010 World Cup, and tweak the nav bar to give access to this and other archived specialty indexes (without listing them all). I imagine that, this December, we would similarly cull articles written about the mid-term elections in November from the Washington Bureau.

In this way, retired and archived specialty indexes become ways, with pleasing graphics, to read about events and periods from the past. Spıke ¬ 15:42 28-Jun-10

Seems a good idea Spike. I am still coming to terms with your admission of wearing a ponytail to continue this comment further. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:19, June 28, 2010 (UTC)

The index of indexes is now implemented in the UnNews Nav Bar--although there are, as yet, no specialty indexes in it. Spıke ¬ 02:55 29-Jun-10

Very cool, SPIKE. I am become a jealous god, jealous of your technical prowess. Revenge will be mine! Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:47, June 29, 2010 (UTC)

Encouraging more news writing - if possible

Looking at VFH, I can see a lot of UnNews articles are being sent over there for featuring. I hope this encourages more Noobs and old established users of this site to have a crack at a story. I think if we improve what's on offer here - that will be one way of doing it, even on a 'slow news day'. Keep up the good work Zim and Spike, let's hope UnNews shames the rest of the site into modernisation too. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:43, July 2, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for that nod, Romartus. Indeed, you've been contributing quite a lot yourself; as a bonus, it's funny stuff. As to shaming Uncyc, I will not countenance such an attitude (although I may have different views in the privicay of my own thoughts). I will take this opportunity to say that we rock and are getting rockier. Cheers, and well done to all staff! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 14:48, July 4, 2010 (UTC)
Now comes Noonshine with UnNews:Scientists to present airliner for blind pilots next year, an excellent carrying-to-extremes of a BBC story about an experimental car that I carried over to the Audio Division. This is the third great n00b contribution I've noticed in about a month, including UnNews:Natalie Merchant inducted into Muzak Hall of Fame and Anon's UnNews:Baseball's integrity dies, whipped into shape by Aleister. As I debate on Zim's talk page (and catch hell for Mordillo for passing judgement in too authoritative a tone), I value these meteorites more than the recent writing-campaign-based stuff on VFH, notably the odd poetry about "Anderson Cooper's pooper." We either have an increasingly popular institution...or a freshly painted wall that is irresistible to vandals. Spıke ¬ 16:23 8-Jul-10

Knocking on wood as I write this

We've had a huge influx of stories in the last few months, up considerably from the beginning of the year. Now we're getting more than the hoped-for minimum 3 a day. I want to congratulate y'all staffers on helping to makd UnNews what it is today... whatever that is. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:14, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

Oil spill archive

UnNews Logo Potato
For an index of UnNews stories on this topic, see:

The oil spill is out of my userspace and now at UnNews:2010 Oil Spill. And there's a handy new template you can use in mainspace articles to point to this or other UnNews archives on a given theme.

Likewise UnNews:2010 Blockade of Gaza, which was over as quickly as it began. Spıke ¬ 02:42 12-Jul-10

Very nice, dude. I'm a gonna test it out now. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 07:39, July 12, 2010 (UTC)

Now whoring Letters to the Editor

Here at UnNews we call it "The Janitors Closet", and I stuck a link to my email address up. I did test it, and it works. I invite anyone to send me at least a "test" message, if not something amusing. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:25, July 13, 2010 (UTC)

Should UnNews stories have a nav bar?

I experimented with putting a nav bar at the top of an UnNews article. This could be done globally by having {{News}} transclude UnNews:UnNewsNavBar (but I can't do it, 'cause it's locked). One big problem with doing it this way is that there would now suddenly be a mandatory sequence for templates at the start of UnNewses. For example, every story that has an {{UnNewsAudio}} would have to be edited to put {{News}} before it, or it would look awful. Important enough to keep thinking about? Spıke ¬ 00:00 14-Jul-10

I think that might be overkill, but I'd like to hear reasons for. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 10:23, July 15, 2010 (UTC)

No strong reasons. Gives a greater UnNews flavor to individual articles than the single line of text we have there now. People probably don't spend a great deal of time anywhere but the Front Page, to which they can return by pressing Backspace, and don't need one-touch access to everywhere else. Spıke ¬ 11:02 15-Jul-10

I know that no one ever listens to me, but I'll say it anyhow- while the bar is very functional it doesn't look good. The colors are not matching and the whole design of it doesn't compliment the page. Putting that on UnNews would damage the semi-professional look it currently has. ~Jewriken.GIF 13:36, July 16, 2010 (UTC)

New UnColumn

We have a new column called Reductio ad Hitlerum, where you can do guest editorials by notable figures. At present, Sarah Palin has done the first one, and Jesuszilla and that psychic octopus fellow are considering writing a piece for us. All persons of note are welcome to contribute.

Like all UnNews columns, we ask the submitter to follow UnColumnist guidelines, which are few and helpful to staff and others.

  1. Use the Title template to change the appearance of the article's title. You may incorporate the original title, if it makes sense, by appending it to the code
{{title|UnNews Column ''[[Reductio ad Hitlerum]]'' by guest columnist <insert author name here
Using the first story RaH as an example:
{{title|UnNews Column ''[[Reductio ad Hitlerum]]'' by guest columnist [[Sarah Palin|SARAH PALIN]] - The lame-stream media is very lame}}
  1. Replace the call to the UnNews Template {{UnNews|<story date>}}''' with '''<nowiki>{{UnNews Column|<story date>}}
  2. Add [[Category:Reductio ad Hitlerum UnColumn]] to the article categories.

On a related note, I am considering doing a template analogous to CreateNewsArticle for editorials and columns. It's not so straightforward as CreateNewsArticle, though, because there is a choice of editorial, column, ATBF, or RaH. Anyone with a sound mind wish to weigh in on this?

Since I'm thinking about this, I will not reproduce this information in the Style Guide until we make a decision.

Why is it called Reductio ad Hitlerum?

The name of the series is based on the Ad hominem attack, my favorite logical fallacy. I was recently bemused by a somebody's recent misappropriation of the term, "Reductio ad Hitlerum". After that, I read Sarah Palin's guest opinion, and thought to myself, "we ought to have a column where a guest is invited, and can take the opportunity to completely humiliate themselves in their own words".

Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:07, July 15, 2010 (UTC)

My opinion would be against having a new template. While we should continue to make it easy and inviting for n00bs to write an UnNews, they should not start with Guest Columns. This makes it too tempting to use our media blowtorch to bash an unfavorite celebrity, or broadcast the n00b's personal opinions, doing a little wisecracking to be able to call the result "humor." (I trust, Chief, that you used taste and subtlety in your parody of Sarah Palin....)
The original reason Multiliteralist created the concept of an UnNews column was to envisage UnNews stories that would be viewed as pieces of a series with a consistent canon (or universe of UnFacts). The Style Guide tells people how to code stories to declare them to be columns; I don't know if we want to add instructions on how to conform to any particular column. (And e|m|c once complained that the Style Guide was getting too long.) In fact, rather than publish guidance for the author, you could take any suitable UnNews story and, with minimal editing, adopt it as a member of the Reductio ad Hitlerum family, after the fact. Spıke ¬ 20:15 15-Jul-10

Ugh! I hate it when you're right, SPIKE. But... you're right, so, fuck it. Although, should I do a Fluffy Bunny Column section, as a service to users and a nod to Multi? Any opinions? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 12:17, July 16, 2010 (UTC)

If you wanted to put rabbit-ears on Cthulhu-Jesus, I wouldn't stop you. Spıke ¬ 12:31 16-Jul-10
Obtuse... OK, I deserve that. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 12:48, July 16, 2010 (UTC)

Over time I have considered

the relegation of Ask Cthulhu | Ask Hal 9000 | Tech Support to the hinterland of the bottoms of the UnNews main page. I think I'd like to see it tacked on at the end of the From the Chief | Audio | Podcast | Random article | Goldstein Award | Foolitzer Prize list. Objections? Comments? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 12:48, July 16, 2010 (UTC)

It was I who relegated them there. They are UnNews memes; unlike the other stuff in {{UnNewsMenu}}, all three provide no real service to the reader--they merely immortalize the authors. Humping Grand Old Articles should be done without interfering with navigation. I'm sure I mentioned this reasoning somewhere earlier on this page. Spıke ¬ 13:40 16-Jul-10
Yes, I remember well, we did talk about it earlier. Over time, however, I have considered... well you know already. Anybody else want to weigh in? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:24, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
Forgive me for my English has failed me on this one - do you intend on bringing them back to a more prominent location? --~Jewriken.GIF 20:55, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
Yes. Your Engrish is fine. Mine Engrixch is a a bad. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:30, July 17, 2010 (UTC)

Whoring UnNews

I've whored UnNews here at the UnSignpost Pressroom. I was thinking about doing a blurb on one of the subjects I mentioned there, and offering it to UnSignpost staff as a gesture of good will, helpfulness and evil intentions. Comments? Recriminations? Thoughts? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 12:48, July 16, 2010 (UTC)

Columns moved to UnNews space

The UnNews OpEd/Columns/Letters/A.T.B.F/Reductio ad Hitlerum Section has been moved to UnNews space. I'm thinking about a few minor cosmetic changes, but I think it's pretty much done. Any ideas, suggestions, complaints, smart-assed remarks or criticism? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 15:51, July 17, 2010 (UTC)


I was thinking, a Celebutard Section might be useful and amusing. Any thoughts? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:10, July 18, 2010 (UTC)

So, with additional structure, we could encourage the writing of articles that ridicule famous people. Uh, Chief, isn't this identical to your previous brainstorm? Spıke ¬ 22:23 18-Jul-10
These would be idiots writing guest columns. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 23:34, July 18, 2010 (UTC)

Uhh... *cough* *cough* uh, conflict with reality... restarting... ignore the above. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 02:49, July 19, 2010 (UTC)

A Roman returns

It may take me a few days to shake of the emotional effects of my recent ban, coming home to the kids and explaining why there will be no dinner tonight but I am back again and will hopefully think up some new UnNews content. I like the new UnNews OpEd/Columns/Letters/A.T.B.F/Reductio ad Hitlerum Section and have in mind to try my old friend Paul the Octopus to write something with his own tentacles. Since he has now joined the staff of UnNews, it's bit amiss of him to spend all day in the aquarium admiring his own reflection. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 07:04, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

He's not kidding! three days for repeatedly disrupting the format of a voting table. His penchant for deleting funny-looking characters, and inability to even line up periods at the end of sentences, is known and tolerated; I have happily exchanged copy-editing for his classical education (something we Americans lack) that lets him pull articles in fun new directions. PS--Is there anything you'd like to add to Dialysis? Spıke ¬ 13:14 21-Jul-10

Added some extras to the article and the Princess Diana joke. Do you remember the joke about Austrian White Wine and antifreeze? I certainly didn't have a classical education since that always meant reading and learning Latin and Greek. I did read Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire when I was about 12...so perhaps it all started then. Yes my formatting errors...I forget I am surrounded by coders who become analcritical. They need to drink more thigh slapping alpine wine is all I can say. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 22:35, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks much! In fact, mastery of the antifreeze aperitif is the classical education I was referring to. Spıke ¬ 22:45 21-Jul-10
PS--I don't indeed know the joke about Austrian White Wine and antifreeze, nor your references to the Duke of Edinburgh Award, or ram-raiding. Spıke ¬ 22:48 22-Jul-10 PS--Two out of three found on Wikipedia and adjusted accordingly. And the Duke? Spıke ¬ 00:47 24-Jul-10
I took Greek and Latin, but I'm still stupid. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 02:10, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Another *yawn* milestone

Let's have a mid-sized round of applause for El Spikecabra for the new, bright and shiny Mel Gibson Section. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 02:10, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

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