UnNews:Newslack: Market panics just in case
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Newslack: Market panics just in case
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, March 21, 2018, 04:44:UTC)(
28 April 2007
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BLADDERWRACK, Wales -- To PANIC of Not to PANIC? The total lack of news has claimed its first victim today in the shape of the English stock market. The complete lack of any newsworthy item being produced by broadcasting industries worldwide together with complete silence from Trevor McDonald has sent a metaphorical tsunami across the market as a whole.
Though absolutely unaffected by anything, the market has decided to panic just in case, which may lead to increased petrol costs and taxes for no apparent reason. Security camera's are reported being installed to combat this crisis, even though their only known effect thus far is on New Labour's poll ratings and STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl multiplayer lag.
In a 10 Downing Street spin-release, Gordon 'Taxy' Brown is reportedly looking at the issue with Eminant Belgian waffles in his face, but not necessarily in his mouth. Though what actual issue he is looking at remains to be seen.
- Albert (not the man from of of U.N.C.L.E). "Albert the Sixth Marketeer on the Panic Line Trend Break.". Thatcherism Largely, 28 April 2007