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I'll shortly be releasing an article for this page, unlisted (with the intention of it going live after the newscast)...
edit Commercial Topics
- Waffle iron
- Home Haggis Maker
- Eau de Sophia - err, how about Sexy, by Sophia
- Deluxe Pig Building Kit™ from Hasbro
UnNews:British_Government_Implement_New_Method_Of_Administering_Vaccines --Olipro Co-Anc (Harass) 18:22, 15 April 2006 (UTC)
edit Newscast structure
I think once we have this defined, we can reuse it, alternating content! (feel free to edit)
- 1. anchors introduction, date, stories lineup etc.
- 2. first news story, hand over to other anchor
- 3. second story, advertisement, hand over to weatherperson
- 4. weather, hand back over to anchors
- 5. anchors telling a joke, realise they're on air again, big story
- 6. big story as breaking news, hand over to correspondant, live conversation, Q&A.
- 7. back to anchors, sign off, UnNews info to the listener etc... end.
Next Newscast (change this, it's crap - Nin):
- 1.Oliver O'Reilly unt Brad Frasier, ((date)), ((stories))
- 2.1st story is UnNews:NYC Rat Finally Rescued After 14 Days(National)
- 3.2nd story is UnNews:British_Government_Implement_New_Method_Of_Administering_Vaccines (world)
- 4.Weather is GLOBAL WARMING! especially in the northern hemisphere. Southern hemisphere is creeping toward nuclear winter ever so slowly.
- 5."...and that's when he said, 'well, that's not my finger, either. Oh, we're on?" "We have breaking news to bring to you, Tonight: Splarka is Hitler (or an actual story would probably be better, here)!"
- 6.Flyover of France. Death, destruction, etc. Bush holds press conference wondering why everyone has forgotten about Poland, etc. Or, preferably, a real story.
- 7.Profit. Euroipods. EUROIPODS! AAAAAAAAA!
<Anchor1> de dee dee... de de dee dee dee <Anchor1> This is UnNews, I'm Oliver O'Reilly <Anchor1> and this is my co-anchor... <Anchor2> Brad Frasier <Anchor2> Tonight, the harrowing story of a monkey turned humanitarian <Anchor2> but first, the weather
<Weatherman> hi, this is Anidn Menoscwicz <Weatherman> with the weather <Weatherman> In SE United States its gonna be hot and rainy as usual <Weatherman> Today's forecast calls for a bunch of squiggly lines running parallel with Manchester <Weatherman> and back to you guys in the studio
<Anchor1> and then she said... I've never seen that before in my life <Anchor1> *laughs* <Anchor1> whoops, we're live <Anchor2> THIS JUST IN <Anchor2> sad news out of India Today <Anchor2> Monkey Theresa has flung her last poo <Anchor2> in a shocking turn of events <Anchor2> Monkey Theresa flung poo at the Pope during his visit to Indiana <Anchor2> There were no survivors. <Anchor2> Oli? <Anchor1> yes, earlier today <Anchor1> at approximately 13:23PM local time <Anchor1> Monkey Theresa was seen viciously attacking the pope in what many have declared as a largely unprovoked attack <Anchor1> sources currently claim that there is the possibility that this was a religiously motivated attack <Anchor1> but despite this, the Indiana state police have currently issued an APB on Monkey Theresa - the alleged assailant <Anchor1> and over to you <Anchor1> here's SpeedoBulge with the sport
<Sportsman> I'll destroy you all...oh. <Sportsman> *cough* <Sportsman> This week's sport of the week is cellulite mashing, where you bash old ladies in the legs with tennis rackets. <Sportsman> And yesterday's cricket scores are missing. so sod off. Back to you, Oli.
<Anchor1> thanks SpeedoBulge, that was some great reporting <Anchor1> I'm pissing myself with laughter <Anchor2> I'm not <Anchor2> but that's prostate related * Anchor2 laughs unneccesarrily. <Anchor1> oh stop it, you'll give me a hernia * Anchor2 laughs meniacally. * (Pause) <Anchor1> well, there was shock yesterday <Anchor1> as it was revealed that PETA, AKA the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals <Anchor1> were in fact a corporate sponsored organisation <Anchor1> and were masquerading as animal rights defenders, despite actually being on the opposite side of the playing field <Anchor1> it was revealed by some anonymous sources, that many had joked that PETA actually stood for People Eating Tasty Animals <Anchor1> as a result of the covert operations undertaken by PETA, aimed at diminishing support for animal rights activists <Anchor1> here's Zim live en location, What's going on there Zim?
<Reporter> Well Oliver, Protestors reacted with both shock and outrage Today. <Reporter> as it was revealed that the organization to which they'd pledged their allegance was actually a front for a multi-billion-dollar animal testing group. <Reporter> "I can't believe they'd do that to us. We're people, not animals!" said long-time member Joseph Butterfly. <Reporter> "And they shouldn't treat animals that way, either." <Anchor1> And what are people there currently saying about this? <Reporter> Well, Shock and horror are only two of the words used to describe this despicable act of intellogism, or, intellectual terrorism as ex-PETA supporters are calling it. <Anchor1> I hear you managed to get a quote from Donald Trump on the situation, can you tell me what you heard from him on that? <Reporter> Err, Yeah, he said: "What?" <Reporter> shortly before a what resembled a dead rat fell from his head, he then continued; <Reporter> "Actually, that makes a lot of sense. They only protested on stupid non-issues, instead of things that would actually make meaningful change, like the Trump hairspray, which has only been tested on one person." <Reporter> Trump declined to comment on which person it was, only that it was a "rousing success". <Anchor1> And I heard that Trump is planning on starting a protestation rally, is that correct? <Repoter> Yeah, Trump is planning on launching some sort of counter-attack against PETA, and some have claimed that paramilitant groups have been invited. <Anchor1> Ok, thanks Zim. <Reporter> No problem, Back to you guys in the studio.
<Anchor2> There'll be more on this story as it develops. Oliver? <Anchor1> thanks brad <Anchor1> and that currently concludes our UnNews briefing <Anchor1> tune in next time for more up to the microsecond news, thanks for listening <Anchor1> It's goodbye from me! <Anchor2> and goodbye from me!, thanks"