From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Created it, DISCUSS! --Olipro Icons-flag-gb Co-Anc (Harass) 04:55, 15 April 2006 (UTC)

I'll shortly be releasing an article for this page, unlisted (with the intention of it going live after the newscast)...

edit Commercial Topics

edit Articles

UnNews:British_Government_Implement_New_Method_Of_Administering_Vaccines --Olipro Icons-flag-gb Co-Anc (Harass) 18:22, 15 April 2006 (UTC)

edit Newscast structure

I think once we have this defined, we can reuse it, alternating content! (feel free to edit)

1. anchors introduction, date, stories lineup etc.
2. first news story, hand over to other anchor
3. second story, advertisement, hand over to weatherperson
4. weather, hand back over to anchors
5. anchors telling a joke, realise they're on air again, big story
6. big story as breaking news, hand over to correspondant, live conversation, Q&A.
7. back to anchors, sign off, UnNews info to the listener etc... end.

Next Newscast (change this, it's crap - Nin):

1.Oliver O'Reilly unt Brad Frasier, ((date)), ((stories))
2.1st story is UnNews:NYC Rat Finally Rescued After 14 Days(National)
3.2nd story is UnNews:British_Government_Implement_New_Method_Of_Administering_Vaccines (world)
4.Weather is GLOBAL WARMING! especially in the northern hemisphere. Southern hemisphere is creeping toward nuclear winter ever so slowly.
5."...and that's when he said, 'well, that's not my finger, either. Oh, we're on?" "We have breaking news to bring to you, Tonight: Splarka is Hitler (or an actual story would probably be better, here)!"
6.Flyover of France. Death, destruction, etc. Bush holds press conference wondering why everyone has forgotten about Poland, etc. Or, preferably, a real story.
7.Profit. Euroipods. EUROIPODS! AAAAAAAAA!

edit Script

<Anchor1> de dee dee... de de dee dee dee
<Anchor1> This is UnNews, I'm Oliver O'Reilly
<Anchor1> and this is my co-anchor...
<Anchor2> Brad Frasier
<Anchor2> Tonight, the harrowing story of a monkey turned humanitarian
<Anchor2> but first, the weather
<Weatherman> hi, this is Anidn Menoscwicz
<Weatherman> with the weather
<Weatherman> In SE United States its gonna be hot and rainy as usual
<Weatherman> Today's forecast calls for a bunch of squiggly lines running parallel with Manchester
<Weatherman> and back to you guys in the studio
<Anchor1> and then she said... I've never seen that before in my life
<Anchor1> *laughs*
<Anchor1> whoops, we're live
<Anchor2> THIS JUST IN
<Anchor2> sad news out of India Today
<Anchor2> Monkey Theresa has flung her last poo
<Anchor2> in a shocking turn of events
<Anchor2> Monkey Theresa flung poo at the Pope during his visit to Indiana
<Anchor2> There were no survivors.
<Anchor2> Oli?
<Anchor1> yes, earlier today
<Anchor1> at approximately 13:23PM local time
<Anchor1> Monkey Theresa was seen viciously attacking the pope in what many have declared as a largely unprovoked attack 
<Anchor1> sources currently claim that there is the possibility that this was a religiously motivated attack
<Anchor1> but despite this, the Indiana state police have currently issued an APB on Monkey Theresa - the alleged assailant
<Anchor1> and over to you
<Anchor1> here's SpeedoBulge with the sport
<Sportsman> I'll destroy you all...oh.
<Sportsman> *cough*
<Sportsman> This week's sport of the week is cellulite mashing, where you bash old ladies in the legs with tennis rackets.
<Sportsman> And yesterday's cricket scores are missing. so sod off. Back to you, Oli.
<Anchor1> thanks SpeedoBulge, that was some great reporting
<Anchor1> I'm pissing myself with laughter
<Anchor2> I'm not
<Anchor2> but that's prostate related
* Anchor2 laughs unneccesarrily.
<Anchor1> oh stop it, you'll give me a hernia
* Anchor2 laughs meniacally.
* (Pause)
<Anchor1> well, there was shock yesterday
<Anchor1> as it was revealed that PETA, AKA the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
<Anchor1> were in fact a corporate sponsored organisation
<Anchor1> and were masquerading as animal rights defenders, despite actually being on the opposite side of the playing field
<Anchor1> it was revealed by some anonymous sources, that many had joked that PETA actually stood for People Eating Tasty Animals
<Anchor1> as a result of the covert operations undertaken by PETA, aimed at diminishing support for animal rights activists
<Anchor1> here's Zim live en location, What's going on there Zim?
<Reporter> Well Oliver, Protestors reacted with both shock and outrage Today.
<Reporter> as it was revealed that the organization to which they'd pledged their allegance was actually a front for a multi-billion-dollar animal testing group.
<Reporter> "I can't believe they'd do that to us.  We're people, not animals!" said long-time member Joseph Butterfly.
<Reporter> "And they shouldn't treat animals that way, either."
<Anchor1> And what are people there currently saying about this?
<Reporter> Well, Shock and horror are only two of the words used to describe this despicable act of intellogism, or, intellectual terrorism as ex-PETA supporters are calling it.
<Anchor1> I hear you managed to get a quote from Donald Trump on the situation, can you tell me what you heard from him on that?
<Reporter> Err, Yeah, he said: "What?"
<Reporter> shortly before a what resembled a dead rat fell from his head, he then continued;
<Reporter> "Actually, that makes a lot of sense.  They only protested on stupid non-issues, instead of things that would actually make meaningful change, like the Trump hairspray, which has only been tested on one person."
<Reporter> Trump declined to comment on which person it was, only that it was a "rousing success".
<Anchor1> And I heard that Trump is planning on starting a protestation rally, is that correct?
<Repoter> Yeah, Trump is planning on launching some sort of counter-attack against PETA, and some have claimed that paramilitant groups have been invited.
<Anchor1> Ok, thanks Zim.
<Reporter> No problem, Back to you guys in the studio.
<Anchor2> There'll be more on this story as it develops. Oliver?
<Anchor1> thanks brad
<Anchor1> and that currently concludes our UnNews briefing
<Anchor1> tune in next time for more up to the microsecond news, thanks for listening
<Anchor1> It's goodbye from me!
<Anchor2> and goodbye from me!, thanks"

Main Page

Personal tools