UnNews:News flash: Axl Rose is no longer a procrastinator; delayed album sees release
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
19 December 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
PARADISE CITY, The Jungle -- Santa Claus must have come a little early this year for Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose. The longtime procrastinator was finally given the gift of not putting crap off until the last minute. The hard rock band's long-long-long-long-long-long-long-awaited album, Chinese Democracy, is finally scheduled for release, for real this time. The current street date is March 6, 2007.
Rose made it official on his official website Friday, posting:
“I know a lot of you have been giving me flack about procrastination and the Chinese Democracy album. And I want to silence naysayers by telling you that it is, in fact, coming out, and soon. As soon as March 6, 2007. There are currently no plans to push it any further; I mean, this ain't the Nick Rewind Collection. So, it should be out soon. Take care, Axl!”
An open letter to Axl Rose: I find your words very offensive to Nickelodeon. We are working as fast as we can to release more Nick Rewind DVDs, but we don't want those bastard copyright holders suing our asses. And besides, Viacom split into two companies, and we can't do that and release merchandise and DVDs and crap at the same time. And besides, you haven't had a good album since Use Your Illusion I. Don't get me started on Use Your Illusion II; that was a pile of crap! It sucked balls, Axl. Get a job already. -- Nickelodeon
Insiders tell us that Nick is planning on releasing the third season of The Adventures of Pete & Pete, the second season of Clarissa Explains It All, the first season of You Can't Do That on Television, the first season of Salute Your Shorts, and the complete first season of All That. All That is expected to be released in a huge 8-disc set with musical performances intact and plenty of bonus features. "It will look perfect placed next to the complete first season of Saturday Night Live," says Associated Press reporter John Candy.
Looks like it's official: More Nick Rewind DVDs and a release date for Chinese Democracy. 2007 is going to be a rockin' year.