UnNews:News Corp makes a deal with Microsoft to delist Fox News et al links from Google
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
News Corp makes a deal with Microsoft to delist Fox News et al links from Google
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 29, 2017, 21:08:UTC)(
23 November 2009
News Corporation and Microsoft, two giant megacorporation evil empires, today reached a deal to help each other out. News Corp wants Google to delist their news articles from search results as Google refused to pay
extortion licensing fees to copy Fox News content.
Steve Ballmer shook hands with Rupert Murdoch and Mr. Murdoch stated "Yeah I want to fucking kill Google, as well!" to Mr. Ballmer as they launch a new technology called "Google Killer" (TM) a part of the Bing search engine that uses Black Hat SEO techniques to delist web sites and articles in Google search, unless Google pays a licensing fee to bring them back.
Microsoft tried to buy out Yahoo but failed, and now News Corp will join Microsoft in an attempted buyout of Yahoo that will benefit both companies. Yahoo will be integrated with the Microsoft Network, Hotmail/Livemail, Windows Live, Office Live, web sites and software partnered up with News Corp as Microsoft paid the license fee for Bing and later Yahoo!Bing to show Fox News articles in search results with News Corp getting the royalties for click referrals. Steve Ballmer said "The FTC can suck deez nutz, as Microsoft will be a 50/50 owner with News Corp in Yahoo, and thus avoid the Monopoly charges they accused us of previously."
News Corp and Microsoft announced a deal for a new cable/satellite TV channel named MSFOX, but MSNBC will continue to run with the deal Microsoft made with MSNBC. Steve Baller stated that "MSFOX will be much like MSNBC but Conservative instead of Liberal." granting Microsoft a second news channel that they partner up in, and helps sell their software and web services.
American liberals were shocked at the news, but in a way also glad. "I never wanted Fox News results showing up in my Google searches. So this is good news for me." stated one liberal. "The marriage of News Corp and Microsoft doesn't bother me at all as I don't even use their products." stated another liberal. "Nobody Cares about Fox News or Microsoft anymore, I use Linux and I watch CNN or MSNBC anyway." stated a third liberal. "Hot damn, now I can get more Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly on my Windows 7 computer using my paid for Microsoft software." stated one redneck who apparently was oblivious to the downside of the deal, not that he'd notice it as he is part of the Fox News and Microsoft target market.
This is good news for Uncyclopedia, as it was once bought out by News Corp quite some time ago. Uncyclopedia stock went from 12 cents a share to $100USD a share on rumors that Uncyclopedia will be part of the Microsoft/News Corp buyout of Yahoo and become the official Wiki of MSFOX and other Microsoft/News Corp joint ventures.
- Steven Musil "Report: Microsoft may help News Corp. delist sites". CNet, November 22, 2009