UnNews:News Corp. buys Uncyclomedia Foundation
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News Corp. buys Uncyclomedia Foundation
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, July 2, 2015, 01:27:UTC)(
7 December 2007
STUDIoZIM INTRAWEB, Low Earth Orbit -- On Thursday afternoon, The Uncyclomedia Foundation was sold to News Corp. for a sum of ¥15 billion. The deal came after hours at the table with top Wikia advisers and News Corp. lawyers, who struggled to come to terms on the settlement package. Wikia advisers and top Uncyclopedia Admins were eventually able to get most of what they asked for, which in addition to the settlement, will include Condominiums in Florida, vacation packages, and payment for the Admin's extensive psychiatrist bills.
While some Admins will stay on for $115,000 a year salaries, most will immediately be retiring to Florida. Oscar Wilde remains CEO of the Uncyclomedia Foundation but under the supervision of Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity. Oscar will also be contributing stories to Fox News from UnNews in exchange for later forming the Uncyclopedia Network in which UnBooks and UnScripts will be made into Cable TV shows. (all of which will be canceled anyway.) UnNews will be integrated with Fox News, as a fair and balanced source of information.
However, News Corp. views the purchase of the Uncyclomedia Foundation as a major step in News Corp's mission for "unbiased knowledge." News Corp. first took interest in Uncyclomedia after Rupert Murdoch reported reviewed a number Uncyclopedia articles, and found the information there to be "of the highest quality Americans expect". Such articles as the one on American liberals, HowTo:Be a liberal, Right-Wing Facts and Figures, Democrat Party, Liberal media, Non-God-Fearing Democrats, PBS, NPR, CNN, George W. Bush and others Murdoch said are written so well and so truthful and full of facts that they should be nominated for a Pulitzer Award.
One News Corp. representative had this to say about the deal, "We're thrilled about this deal going through. This means that we will finally be able to counteract the liberal biased political slander found in Wikipedia with true and unbiased information. Although Uncyclopedia will need work in the 'Unbiased' department, as some articles bash conservatives, we plan to let it function largely as it has with only minor interference and advertising."
Although the future of the Uncyclomedia Foundation and it's projects may seem uncertain, News Corp. has promised, as part of the contract, to allow "most" editors to continue editing as they have been. Monthly Awards will remain, although minor name changes will occur. For example, the Writer of the Month Award will now be known as the "Unbiased Writer of the Month Award".
The Main Page will also undergo serious changes, displaying updates on the latest "on the trail" Updates from Fox News while also promoting Fox Network shows and providing integration with other sites such as MySpace and IGN, both owned by News Corp. So while the web community remains in shock over this unexpected development regarding the future of the Uncyclomedia Foundation and it's projects, Admins hail it as a "Martha Stuart" good thing. It seems like we all will just have to wait and see.
Protests are raging in cities across the nation. One man, known simply as MNM5150, was at the place of the deal signing with a protest group and said "This is bullshit! Fair and balanced my ass. I hope Murdoch A splode and Uncylomedia can return to the way it was before all of this shit."
Wilde and Murdoch had no comment on this, but MNM5150 is likely to be regarded as a non-threat. The protests, which are said to have involved 50,000 dissenters, became violent after hours of chanting, but this had no bearing on the deal.
Two more interesting notes: Jimmy Wales was hired by Murdoch to push the negotiations. Also, early reports state that News Corp. is likely to either forget about Uncyclomedia, or release it from the deal within a year, thus making days of negotiations moot.