UnNews:New terror tax proposed
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New terror tax proposed
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, August 28, 2015, 23:01:UTC)(
LONDON - The leader of the Liberal Democrats shocked parliament this week by suggesting the creation of a new 'Terror Tax'.
In an article written for the Beano, Sir Alex Ferguson MP wrote:
"We have clearly lost the war on terror. Terrorists are cropping up all over the place. Last week I'd just got back from doing a chat show and before I realised it they were everywhere, millions of them."
"Obviously the government's policy isn't working and we have to face up to that - which is why the Liberal Democrats are suggesting that the government decriminalise terrorism and use the extra tax income for our hospitals, schools and alcohol rehabilitation centres."
The Lib Dems' finance spokesman - known simply as 'The Cable Guy' - backs up his leader:
"It's a tremendous idea. With proper regulation and monitoring, there is no reason why we can't be reaping the rewards of terror funds for years to come. I mean that bank robbery in Northern Ireland alone - if we'd have taxed that we'd be bloody minted by now."
However, not everyone in the political arena was so sympathetic to Ferguson's proposals. Prime Minister Kermit the Frog was the first to speak out against the idea:
"It's rubbish. Once again they haven't done their sums - how are we going to implement such a tax? Who is going to handle the extra bureaucracy? We're trying to simplify our tax system, not complicate it. Frankly, if the honourable gentleman wishes to raise some extra funds he could donate his television appearance fees to the treasury."
The Conservative Party declined to give an opinion, because they don't know who's in charge. Their leadership election is scheduled for December. They have also pencilled in the next one for October '06. And another one two months after that.