UnNews:New retirement home for Santa in the cards

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New retirement home for Santa in the cards

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7 February 2007

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LONDON, England -- In a controversial new proposal, the House of Lord’s – Britain’s ancient and glorious retirement home for Santa Claus and various other elderly white gentlemen with lots of cash to burn – will be shut down.

“The medical bills for the old boys are just getting out of control”, Gordon Brown, Chancellor of the Exchequer, said in a statement. “We need a 24-hour nurse to catch all the phlegm from the coughing and spluttering”.


Britain's House of Lords is a retirement home for Father Christmases from all over the world

At present, members of the House of Lords come from the ranks of previous Father Christmases, some are nominated by political parties based on the amount of money they contribute to a party’s slush funds, whereas as other are recommended by an appointments committee based on the amount of money they contribute to a centralised slush fund. This pot is then divided equally amongst members.

The nomination system is at the centre of a police investigation that has clouded the final months of Blair's premiership. Blair plans to step down this year after a decade in office, or so he keeps on telling us.

The House of Lords was once home to aristocrats whose hereditary rights stretched back 700 years, but nowadays it is home to those whose rights stretch back only 7 years.

In his first term in office, Blair threw out 90 percent of hereditary peers, leaving a token force of aristocrats sitting next to appointed members.

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