UnNews:New pope elected and takes the name of Pope John Paul III

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
New pope elected and takes the name of Pope John Paul III

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

UnNews Logo Potato
Monday, May 30, 2016, 15:44:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconArchivesIndexesRandom story


Giving a blessing from the balcony of his papal apartment in Avignon, France: The newly elected Pope John Paul III

16 October 2063

AVIGNON, France - Cardinal Karol Mojtyła of Warsaw was elected today as the second Polish-born Pope of Rome. (The first one was Pope John Paul II who died in 2005). The multilingual Mojtyła succeeds ultra-liberal Pope Benedict XX who died in September 2063.

Cardinal Mojtyła was born on May 13, 2005. Because of his affinity for the policies of John Paul II (and, as rumours have it, because of the unusual coincidence of being born 40 days after John Paul II's death), Cardinal Mojtyła has chosen the name John Paul III as papal name.

The new pope has indicated that he wishes to put the Catholic Church back onto a more conservative footing. He has pledged to allow celibate men and women to become priests (rather than just married men and women, under current practice) and to add abstinence to the list of permitted birth control methods.

edit Sources

Preceded by:
Benedict XX
List of Popes
Succeeded by:
George Ringo I
Personal tools