UnNews:New makeup doesn't just stay on, it won't come off
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
New makeup doesn't just stay on, it won't come off
Straight talk, from straight faces
Saturday, July 30, 2016, 22:44:UTC)(
11 April 2011
NEW YORK, New York -- L'Eterna Absolue - a new make-up Lancôme released last month - lives up to its catchphrase "Stay beautiful forever" in that 'forever' is about how long it stays attached to the wearer's face. The 'beautiful' part is more debatable.
According to Lancôme, "This luxurious, cream makeup replenishes your skin for a look that is radiant, permanent and absolutely ageless. Innovative Color Clarity System™ provides smooth, even-toned complexion with full coverage, lasting for as long as the makeup stays on."
43-year old Darla Reggis, however, an originally devoted user of the product, came forward two days ago with another story, and a face looking rather worse. "I'd use it every day," she said. "I absolutely loved it, at first. Except there was one thing, a little thing, really. It wouldn't entirely come off." Clearly distraught, Reggis had to compose herself as discolored flecks fell from her face, then continued: "But that was okay, right? I'd just cover that up the next morning, and it went on so easily, I could keep doing that."
Unfortunately, the more she put on, the more that stayed, until she was finally forced to try to resort to more desperate means and buy some Pond's.
It didn't help. "All it did was bleach some of the color out of what was there," she told us.
L'Eterna Absolue has previously received favorable reviews for its good color, coverage and staying power, but these were all after more short-term trials; while it goes on smooth and then stays on, it would seem that it also eventually cakes and then begins to slowly lose its color while and becoming increasingly more flaky and cracked, "like a layer of dried vomit like I used to clean off my old boyfriends,"' as Reggis put it.
Her face finally molted completely last night.
It would seem Lancôme's niche might not be totally secure, especially given industry reports that a competing product will be launched next week by Magic Marker.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|