UnNews:New low cost airline to 'revolutionise travel'
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New low cost airline to 'revolutionise travel'
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, July 31, 2016, 09:24:UTC)(
13 July 2006
In a move likely to forever revolutionise the way in which passengers travel on foreign holidays, new low-cost startup airline EezeeCrash today announced their new "Stay at home and go abroad" service.
The new service involves a radical rethink in aviation transport. Instead of fitting propellors to airplanes in which passengers travel to their faraway destination EezeeCrash are aiming to fit the propellors to the destinations and have them flown to the passengers.
EezeeCrash's CEO Norbert Nobblybitz was enthuiastic about the new venture. "I think we have created a whole new era of long distance travel", he said. "Not since Orville and Wilbur Wright first set off on their landmark first flight has there been anything that has fundamentally changed the way that people travel.". It is this feeling that is expounded by Noel Knotaclugh, prime Project Manager behind the design and tecnical implementation of the new design. "We have done something so totally, radically different," says Mr. Knotaclugh (34, single, from East Acton, votes Green Liberal Independant, drives a Škoda) "In the years to come people wonder why it was never done before."
The new service will involve fixing large propellors to land masses and flying the land mass to the passenger, rather than the current conventionial method of transporting the passenger to the land mass. It is a bold move by such a brash and young company but one which is almost certain to win instant appeal from many sectors.
Ivan Ston-d'Ippy, spokesperson for GreenPeas, had this to say about the new service. "I think it is wonderful, maan! In a time when we are all seriously worried about the environmental damage that air travel is causing to the planet as people fly away to their holidays, this company have removed that fear. Now, the holidays fly to you!"
David Anthony Loadsaspons CBE OBE SWALK, director of the CBI, is quoted in a report as saying "At a time when this country [the UK] is struggling to meet the demands laid upon it to reduce greenhouse emissions and to increase trade on the global playing field this company's plans can only be seen as a major step towards ensuring that the country's future prosperity is preserved. UP THE BOSSES!"
The new service is earmarked to be a definite winner with members of the general public who are often struggling to meet the demands of the 'work-life balance' as well as attempting to enjoy their summer hols.
However not all sectors of the public are so happy about the prospects of cheaper mass long distance air travel. Mr I. M. Agrumpysod (54, twice divorced, from Heathrow, doesn't vote, drives a Yugo) said "Well! Can you imagine the noise? It's bad enough with the new A380 Airbus making all that noise but can you imagine when you get something like Malta coming into land?"
The stock market seems to have embraced the company's new service and EezeeCrash's share price rose by 8.03% to end the day at 17.00, which was an early day as it had originally planned to stay until gone 6pm.