UnNews:New jellyfish discovered, public unimpressed
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New jellyfish discovered, public unimpressed
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, February 13, 2016, 11:42:UTC)(
22 November 2011
Mid-Atlantic Ridge, ATLANTIC OCEAN — Scientists were thrilled yesterday to reveal the recent discovery of a new species of jellyfish, bathypelagic ctenophore. The jellyfish was discovered at a depth of about 3,000 feet by researchers from the University of Aberdeen's Oceanlab. Public response the the discovery has thus far been lukewarm to indifferent.
"Who cares, really?" remarked reporter Shirly Dreyer at the press conference. "It's not like they can make a plush toy of it. People are hardly going to pay to see a Pixar film about a jellyfish."
"Actually, it's not a jellyfish, rather, a comb jelly, which is something entirely different," explained lead researcher Douglas Hooper, as members of the press began to leave the conference. Hooper went on to explain the significance of nematocysts that differentiate the phylum groups, but by that point the room was almost completely empty.
"An okay day for science," remarked Hooper, quietly.