UnNews:New iPhone to Offer Audio Chat Facility
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
New iPhone to Offer Audio Chat Facility
Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
Sunday, December 4, 2016, 00:01:UTC)(
9 November 2009
Nevada, USA - Apple CEO Steve Jobs today announced the next chapter in the popular series of cell-phone technology with news of the new iPhone 3GLS. As well as expected new features, Jobs announced a surprise unanticipated extra: The new iPhone will give the user the ability to have an audio conversation with other iPhone 3GLS users.
"We see this as a natural evolution of the iPhone project", Jobs commented at the product launch in Nevada, "you'll be able to speak into a microphone at the base of the phone with another iPhone user able to hear your voice coming from a speaker on the upper section of their iPhone. You will be able to have a conversation as if the other person were in the same room as you. "
Though most have welcomed the new innovation as a fantastic demonstration of Apple technology, it is believed by many industry figures to be not much more than a gimmick. Website Macworld.com's article on the 3GLS comments: "I can see people using this facility when they first get their new toy, but soon the novelty will wear off and people will be back to using the iPhone's core functionality of a compass, shaking cartoon breasts and watching videos of grown men falling off motorbikes. "
A poster called 'pcssuxass' was typical of many posters on the Applewank forum, commenting "Thee(sic) addishanal(sic) time takun(sic) to verbly(sic) communicake(sic) compared(well done) too(sic) megafast(sic) predickative(sic) text shit sux(sic) man," There is however talk from inside figures that the next iteration of iPhone will come with predictive chat functionality that will allow the handset to predict possibilites of the word you have started to annunciate.
Fans have been quick to bemoan the position in which the iPhone must be held to use the chat facility. MacUser magazine highlights this: "I'm not sure many people will want to be seen with one of the coolest gadgets on the market pressed against the side of their face. Kind of makes the beautiful screen redundant doesn't it? It would be like using you brand new Sony 42 inch OLED HD Television to listen to the radio."
The chat facility has come as a surprise to Apple fans who believed that this upgrade was limited to the highly anticipated new Elton John face imaging system. EJFIS allows photographs and video to be captured with anyone in shot to appear as if they are the ageing rock-superstar. Jobs gave more details of this feature at the launch "You will have control over what era of Elton John your friends appear as. So with multiple people in the picture you could for example have off-your face-mid-seventies-Elton playing table tennis with late nineties poe-faced-obvious-hair-piece-Elton".